Monthly Archives: July 2011

Totally Stressed Out By Sandra Beck of Bouncing with Style: Starting over but Not From Scratch

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Sandra Beck  co-author Bouncing with Style

Sandra Beck co-author Bouncing with Style

By Sandra Beck, Bouncing with Style

 

Starting Over but Not from Scratch and author of Bouncing with Style. #3.

 

Once I realized I had all sorts of limiting beliefs I got completely stressed out. I started making a list of the thoughts that ran through my head: people will disapprove of my single lifestyle, no one understands what I am going through, people will blame me for the divorce, I am afraid to say no, I am afraid of what people will think, I am afraid of what people are saying about me, I am afraid of being criticized or put down.

 

These are really strange thoughts for someone with a very successful career and a lot of friends.   But this is what divorce can do to your thinking if you are not paying attention to what you are thinking.  See thoughts have energy and that energy pushes us in good and not so good directions.  The more I thought these thoughts, the more I felt sad, lethargic and unworthy.  As a result I stayed in my beautifully crafted Pottery Barn office and worked.  I played with my kids but kept a low profile hiding mostly from my ex-husbands and his new girlfriend, a local long time resident. 

 

I am not going to put them down or criticize their actions for I have done that too much already, but I will state very clearly that they could have been kinder, more sympathetic and respectful as to the chaos and hurt they hurled into my life. Suffice it to say, they are not to blame for my feeling powerless, not in control, and feeling fear and shame on a regular basis.  That was all me. Once I realized that I could choose my own thoughts, feel my own feelings and change myself and my thoughts into something better than before I felt the stress leave my body and the excitement begin to take place.

 

I was no longer the abandoned mother who was replaced by a cheaper model. I was this woman who had been freed from prison with a man she had come to detest and given a complete life do over.  That was pretty cool and I could feel from that moment on my life beginning to change.

 

Internet Brand Strategist Sandra Beck, owner of Motherhood Incorporated is also the host of Motherhood Talk Radio and Military Mom Talk Radio powered by Toginet Communications.  A powerful advocate for mothers’ right to choose what is best for their family and using technology to make those choices possible, Sandra Beck paves the way for women today to determine the course of their own lives and live their best possible life.  Sandra Beck makes her home inActon,California. She is the single mother of two young boys, Max and Zachary Levin and she is the author of The Smart Woman’s Guide to Working from Home and Blogphoria – How to Reach Millions without Spending a Dime.

 

Sandra Beck has authored a Life Coaching Lesson Series  titled  Starting Over but Not From Scratch and author of Bouncing with Style. based on her experience as a stay at home mother, full time working mother, part time working mother and self employed mother working from home.  It is her hope that these articles help women create their own life with respect to their needs of themselves and their family.  These articles are offered for informational purposes only and are not intended to take the place of a licensed professional.

Sandra Beck can be reached at Sandra@SandraBeck.com.

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We do not see things as they are. We see them as we are. By Danee Kiernan of Bouncing with Style: Starting over but Not From Scratch

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By Danee Kiernan

Life is Almost Always Good and co-author of Bouncing with Style: Starting over but Not From Scratch. #2

It was around this time that I took a very important and necessary tumble….I swerved off the road and plummeted into a deep, self absorbing ravine of anger, chaos and self loathing.  My insecurities appeared from every nook and cranny of my soul.  They took up residence and decided to stay for awhile.  

I’m a quitter. I suck at marriage.  I’m not smart enough.  I’m not pretty. I’m not in good shape. I’m a crummy mother.  I’m not a good friend……The list was endless and I managed to add new things constantly.

I read somewhere that women practice negative self talk hundreds of times each day……and being the over achiever  I was…..I immediately embraced this philosophy and rose to the occasion of degrading myself mercilessly.  I felt like the worst, weakest, undeserving person in the world and to be sure I never forgot it……These words became my mantra….Morning, noon and every sleepless night.

My self esteem had certainly taken some hits from my marriage.  And although I was the person who ended it legally, it was over long before.  The death of our relationship was a marathon.  It was a long, slow continuous slipping of the sand through fingers, a torturous screeching halt of trust, commitment and friendship. 

My spouse was not blameless in our divorce…..and blame him I did…..Not to my kids, of course……all of the books I read told me  how bad that would be……But to my Mom, my family, my friends and most importantly, myself.  I went on and on about how awful my ex was.  I never got tired of hearing it ….reliving each awful moment…..preserving it in my memory forever…Wallowing in my self-pity and victimization… We often don’t see things as they are, we see them as we are, and that’s where I was.  It was like hanging out with an old friend and I couldn’t stop myself.

 

Danee Kiernan is a writer, parent, entrepreneur and co-author of Bouncing with Style: Starting over but Not From Scratch: Starting over but Not From Scratch.  She connects with others based on her experiences as a full time woman, full time mom (adoptive, birth & foster), stay at home mom, working woman and business owner.  She hopes that sharing her experiences openly will help others to find their bounce.  Danee is a powerful advocate for women’s rights, especially every woman’s right to choose her own destiny and build the life that she desires.

Danee Kiernan earned a BS degree in Elementary Education with an early childhood specialization fromIowaWesleyanCollege, and an MBA from the University of Wisconsin-Milwaukee. Danee believes in the importance of love, family and pursuing dreams.   She makes her home inWisconsin, where she and husband Jim, are thoroughly enjoying the experience of raising their 12 children. 

You can reach Danee Kiernan at daneeKiernan@gmail.com

Who You Believe You are is Who You Are By Sandra Beck of Bouncing with Style: Starting over but Not From Scratch

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Sandra Beck  co-author Bouncing with Style

Sandra Beck co-author Bouncing with Style

By Sandra Beck, Bouncing with Style

 

Starting Over but Not from Scratch and author of Bouncing with Style. #2.

 

One of the strangest things that happened to me when I moved out of “my old life” as a married full time working mother into “my new life” as a single mother who owned her own company was the profound sense of freedom and a chance to have a “do over.”  I realize that when you are in the thick of things – divorce, custody, diving up assets and property, worrying about how you are going to make it on your own – its almost impossible to see the gift of getting a second chance.  And  I am not talking about getting a second chance at love – in fact love with the furthest thing from my mind in the immediate and chaotic throws of divorce.

 

What I am talking about is ditching those old, limiting beliefs that define us, put us on a box and sap our spirit.  Many of the things I believed about myself early on were a result of the crumbling marriage.  I am a failure. I am unattractive. I will not survive. I am a terrible mother. These were some serious limiting beliefs. They kept me stuck and transfixed for almost a year. I couldn’t see the value in myself or anything else for that matter.  Then I started to wake up and stopped feeling sorry for myself and light appeared out of the darkness.

 

I got up one morning and there was no one to complain about the dishes in the kitchen. There was no pressure to put in a load of laundry.  It was Saturday so there were no clients to call or emails to answer.  And my kids were at the dad’s.  The silence was deafening. Even my dogs were quiet. I was completely and utterly alone for the first time in recent conscious awareness.  Once the fear passed I sat down in my living room which was missing half its contents.

 

I get a chance to do this over, I thought.  I get a chance to start today forming my own beliefs about myself. There’s no one left to blame. There’s no one around to point the finger saying you made me do this.  It was a me. And I had a serious come to Jesus moment.  How did I want to spend my days? How did I want to look? How did I want to think of myself.  It was all in my hands now. No more excuses.  No more excuses.  I decided that day to start examining the beliefs I had about myself to see if they were true or not and if they were helping me become the person I wanted to be and to live the life I so desperately wanted.

 

Internet Brand Strategist Sandra Beck, owner of Motherhood Incorporated is also the host of Motherhood Talk Radio and Military Mom Talk Radio powered by Toginet Communications.  A powerful advocate for mothers’ right to choose what is best for their family and using technology to make those choices possible, Sandra Beck paves the way for women today to determine the course of their own lives and live their best possible life.  Sandra Beck makes her home inActon,California. She is the single mother of two young boys, Max and Zachary Levin and she is the author of The Smart Woman’s Guide to Working from Home and Blogphoria – How to Reach Millions without Spending a Dime.

 

Sandra Beck has authored a Life Coaching Lesson Series  titled  Starting Over but Not From Scratch and author of Bouncing with Style. based on her experience as a stay at home mother, full time working mother, part time working mother and self employed mother working from home.  It is her hope that these articles help women create their own life with respect to their needs of themselves and their family.  These articles are offered for informational purposes only and are not intended to take the place of a licensed professional.

Sandra Beck can be reached at Sandra@SandraBeck.com.

Forget the hard times, but not what they teach you. By Danee Kiernan of Bouncing with Style: Starting over but Not From Scratch

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Danee Kienan co-author Bouncing with Style

Danee Kienan co-author Bouncing with Style

By Danee Kiernan

Life is Almost Always Good and co-author of Bouncing with Style: Starting over but Not From Scratch. #1

Life is a gift.  An incredible journey if you will. At times filled with amazing moments and at times filled with shit.  I don’t know why we are so surprised when something happens to throw us under the bus and out of orbit.  But we are.  The shitty moments so far on my journey, are numerous, exhausting, embarrassing and mind numbing.  I’m sure you can relate.

But here’s the deal, I’ve been thinking that it’s all a part of who we are, where we are and why we are.  This cycle of life might all be by design….What if it’s mandatory to go through difficult experiences in order to truly appreciate the good ones?

I have to admit, when this thought first hit me, I dropped to my knees and I began to pray in earnest….Dear God, ……I do appreciate everything….Really I do….Please no more….No more challenges…No more difficulty….No more life changing drama…Can you just make my life be OK..?? Balanced perhaps??? Just for a little while?  Please?

I was a teen bride and mom….Married at 17 with babies at 18, 19, 21, 24 and 30.  While attempting to keep my head above water, and the laundry sort of under control, I managed to enjoy my kids, work, go to school and graduate from college.  Life was tough.  Over the years, I found that I’ve forgotten most of the hard times, but not what they taught me.  I was young, energetic and filled with optimism. 

Then my world changed.   I was unhappy, divorced and alone.   Completely and utterly alone…

Well, except of course for the 5 kids, mortgage payment, 2nd mortgage, car payment, student loans, credit card bills, homework , laundry, dishes,  day care and half of the household income and furniture.  Life was suddenly very different and truth be told, I was different too.

At 34, I was the mother of 5, director in a marketing firm, in my second year of MBA classes, very single and pretty tired.  Of course, most stories begin long before the crisis and mine is no different, but my conscious ability to choose my path and be the owner of my destiny, to survive and thrive and choose my journey had just begun to bubble to the surface.  

The path I had been on, skidded, veered and spun out of control.  As a result, I was forced to redefine, reevaluate and reinvent my life.   At first I did this reluctantly (OK, I was kicking and screaming… a lot).  But then I gave in, let my hair down, unbuckled my seatbelt and went faster and farther than I ever could have imagined.  Once I introduced myself to me, I truly began to enjoy the ride.

Danee Kiernan is a writer, parent, entrepreneur and co-author of Bouncing with Style: Starting over but Not From Scratch: Starting over but Not From Scratch.  She connects with others based on her experiences as a full time woman, full time mom (adoptive, birth & foster), stay at home mom, working woman and business owner.  She hopes that sharing her experiences openly will help others to find their bounce.  Danee is a powerful advocate for women’s rights, especially every woman’s right to choose her own destiny and build the life that she desires.

Danee Kiernan earned a BS degree in Elementary Education with an early childhood specialization fromIowaWesleyanCollege, and an MBA from the University of Wisconsin-Milwaukee. Danee believes in the importance of love, family and pursuing dreams.   She makes her home inWisconsin, where she and husband Jim, are thoroughly enjoying the experience of raising their 12 children. 

You can reach Danee Kiernan at daneeKiernan@gmail.com

What You Believe about Yourself By Sandra Beck of Bouncing with Style: Starting over but Not From Scratch

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Sandra Beck, Co-Author Bouncing with Style

Sandra Beck, Co-Author Bouncing with Style

By Sandra Beck, Motherhood Incorporated

Recently I moved to a small town north of Los Angeles called Acton,Californiato get away from the hustle and bustle of the big city. It was a new experience for me to immerse myself completely into a community where no one knew me, no one had read my books or used my company. And most of all, no one knew anything about me personally or had any prior experience with me.  It was wonderful  For the first time in my life I could simply disappear and disappear I did.

I realized during that time that what I believed about myself truly defined who I was – not the prior labels put on me personally and professionally.  I had to sit down and learn a hard lesson that a belief – which is a habitual patter of thinking could be changed and that some of the beliefs I had about myself were setting perceived limits and creating problems in my life.  My reality had changed.  I was no longer all the labels put upon me, but this blank slate that could in some respects build my life over.   This was very exciting and the things I learned along the way are the building blocks I share with you in my new coaching series Starting Over, but not from Scratch and author of Bouncing with Style..

Internet Brand Strategist Sandra Beck, owner of Motherhood Incorporated is also the host of Motherhood Talk Radio and Military Mom Talk Radio powered by Toginet Communications.  A powerful advocate for mothers’ right to choose what is best for their family and using technology to make those choices possible, Sandra Beck paves the way for women today to determine the course of their own lives and live their best possible life.  Sandra Beck makes her home in Acton,California. She is the single mother of two young boys, Max and Zachary Levin and she is the author of The Smart Woman’s Guide to Working from Home and Blogphoria – How to Reach Millions without Spending a Dime.

Sandra Beck has authored a Life Coaching Lesson Series  titled Bouncing with Style: Starting Over but not from Scratch based on her experiences as a stay at home mother, full time working mother, part time working mother and self employed mother working from home.  It is her hope that these articles help women create their own life with respect to their needs of themselves and their family.  These articles are offered for informational purposes only and are not intended to take the place of a licensed professional.