We do not see things as they are. We see them as we are. By Danee Kiernan of Bouncing with Style: Starting over but Not From Scratch

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By Danee Kiernan

Life is Almost Always Good and co-author of Bouncing with Style: Starting over but Not From Scratch. #2

It was around this time that I took a very important and necessary tumble….I swerved off the road and plummeted into a deep, self absorbing ravine of anger, chaos and self loathing.  My insecurities appeared from every nook and cranny of my soul.  They took up residence and decided to stay for awhile.  

I’m a quitter. I suck at marriage.  I’m not smart enough.  I’m not pretty. I’m not in good shape. I’m a crummy mother.  I’m not a good friend……The list was endless and I managed to add new things constantly.

I read somewhere that women practice negative self talk hundreds of times each day……and being the over achiever  I was…..I immediately embraced this philosophy and rose to the occasion of degrading myself mercilessly.  I felt like the worst, weakest, undeserving person in the world and to be sure I never forgot it……These words became my mantra….Morning, noon and every sleepless night.

My self esteem had certainly taken some hits from my marriage.  And although I was the person who ended it legally, it was over long before.  The death of our relationship was a marathon.  It was a long, slow continuous slipping of the sand through fingers, a torturous screeching halt of trust, commitment and friendship. 

My spouse was not blameless in our divorce…..and blame him I did…..Not to my kids, of course……all of the books I read told me  how bad that would be……But to my Mom, my family, my friends and most importantly, myself.  I went on and on about how awful my ex was.  I never got tired of hearing it ….reliving each awful moment…..preserving it in my memory forever…Wallowing in my self-pity and victimization… We often don’t see things as they are, we see them as we are, and that’s where I was.  It was like hanging out with an old friend and I couldn’t stop myself.

 

Danee Kiernan is a writer, parent, entrepreneur and co-author of Bouncing with Style: Starting over but Not From Scratch: Starting over but Not From Scratch.  She connects with others based on her experiences as a full time woman, full time mom (adoptive, birth & foster), stay at home mom, working woman and business owner.  She hopes that sharing her experiences openly will help others to find their bounce.  Danee is a powerful advocate for women’s rights, especially every woman’s right to choose her own destiny and build the life that she desires.

Danee Kiernan earned a BS degree in Elementary Education with an early childhood specialization fromIowaWesleyanCollege, and an MBA from the University of Wisconsin-Milwaukee. Danee believes in the importance of love, family and pursuing dreams.   She makes her home inWisconsin, where she and husband Jim, are thoroughly enjoying the experience of raising their 12 children. 

You can reach Danee Kiernan at daneeKiernan@gmail.com

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