Monthly Archives: August 2011

By Sandra Beck of Bouncing with Style: Starting over but Not From Scratch

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By Sandra Beck, Bouncing with Style

Sandra Beck  co-author Bouncing with Style

Sandra Beck co-author Bouncing with Style

Starting Over but Not from Scratch and author of Bouncing with Style. #8

 And then a funny thing started to happen. I started enjoying going to the gym. I fired up my Ipod and put on some music that was new to my head and my heart and began to ride.  At first I only stayed on the bike. I rode until my lungs burst and my body was sweating from head to toe. You know what? I started feeling great. For the first time in over a year I felt healthy, happy and vibrant.  So one day a week turned into two. Two turned into four and I even signed up at a gym near my church so I could trot over after worship.

 

Did I meet guys? Sure I did, but I wasn’t interested.  Some were tall and athletic and drove fancy cars.  Some were chunky and hunky and drove pickup trucks.  This was a big step for the girl who wasn’t interested in anything but surviving, and was once worried that no one would like her ever again.  That was the divorce talking. That was the hate filled words spoken by my ex that resonated in my head.

 

I was going to the gym for me. For my sanity and for my health. The more I pedaled the closer I got to myself and the further I rode away from the ravages of divorce.  Each week I turned down at least one hopeful suitor.  I felt bad for them, but I knew that I had a long road ahead of me to get myself to where I wanted to be – physically, mentally, emotionally and spiritually.  I was alone for the first time in my life and I was enjoying myself.

 

Sure there were some lonely moments, but to have only myself to work on was a blessing. I read books I had wanted to read for years. I took walks on the beach.  I cried in my bowl of soup for one. But most importantly I met myself again through the silence.  With the help of a good therapist, some wonderful friends, my outstanding family  I was over the worst.  Or so I thought.

 

 

Internet Brand Strategist Sandra Beck, owner of Motherhood Incorporated is also the host of Motherhood Talk Radio and Military Mom Talk Radio powered by Toginet Communications.  A powerful advocate for mothers’ right to choose what is best for their family and using technology to make those choices possible, Sandra Beck paves the way for women today to determine the course of their own lives and live their best possible life.  Sandra Beck makes her home inActon,California. She is the single mother of two young boys, Max and Zachary Levin and she is the author of The Smart Woman’s Guide to Working from Home and Blogphoria – How to Reach Millions without Spending a Dime.

 

Sandra Beck has authored a Life Coaching Lesson Series  titled  Starting Over but Not From Scratch and author of Bouncing with Style. based on her experience as a stay at home mother, full time working mother, part time working mother and self employed mother working from home.  It is her hope that these articles help women create their own life with respect to their needs of themselves and their family.  These articles are offered for informational purposes only and are not intended to take the place of a licensed professional.

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I hate the Gym By Sandra Beck of Bouncing with Style: Starting over but Not From Scratch

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Sandra Beck  co-author Bouncing with Style

Sandra Beck co-author Bouncing with Style

By Sandra Beck, Bouncing with Style

 

Starting Over but Not from Scratch and author of Bouncing with Style. #7

 

I hated the gym. I hated the smell, the bright lights and the locker room that afforded no privacy.  I had paid for a lifetime membership years ago so all I had to do was show up.  I was frightened I would not have enough money and I was hemmoraging from my savings account paying for the overhead that my husband had walked out on.  My property payments alone were $5000.  My ex never made a lot of money, but the money he did make helped and the security of knowing he was there for me – falsely I might add – helped me make more. I wanted to buy a new gym bag. I wanted to buy pretty workout clothes but the cost of that whim left me shaky.

 

I pulled on an ancient pair of leggings and my old lifeguard shirt from college hoping I at least appeared athletic.  Funny thing about athletic wear, I noticed that the most out of shape people often walk around in sports wear, team wear and workout clothes.  They are fooling no one and neither was I.   The funny thing about divorce is it strips you of your dignity. You were dumped. You were left. You were cheated on.  The only ones I see thriving immediately are those who were having an affair and finally released from the ball and chain.  If you haven’t guessed by now, I was the ball and chain.  My ex and his trashy girlfriend were at the gym, working out, going to dinner  in town so everyone could see them and running all over southernCaliforniawith my kids and her kids like one big fucking happy family.

 

I was on the spin bike trying to get my feet in those little grippy things.  I had always been a good athlete but when your heart weighs a ton its hard to move the pedals.  The first few times at the gym I worked out but mostly cried. I found it was easier to cry in the pool. You have goggles on and your face is in the water and no one things anything of red rimmed eyes from the chlorine. At least that’s what I told myself.

 

Internet Brand Strategist Sandra Beck, owner of Motherhood Incorporated is also the host of Motherhood Talk Radio and Military Mom Talk Radio powered by Toginet Communications.  A powerful advocate for mothers’ right to choose what is best for their family and using technology to make those choices possible, Sandra Beck paves the way for women today to determine the course of their own lives and live their best possible life.  Sandra Beck makes her home inActon,California. She is the single mother of two young boys, Max and Zachary Levin and she is the author of The Smart Woman’s Guide to Working from Home and Blogphoria – How to Reach Millions without Spending a Dime.

 

Sandra Beck has authored a Life Coaching Lesson Series  titled  Starting Over but Not From Scratch and author of Bouncing with Style. based on her experience as a stay at home mother, full time working mother, part time working mother and self employed mother working from home.  It is her hope that these articles help women create their own life with respect to their needs of themselves and their family.  These articles are offered for informational purposes only and are not intended to take the place of a licensed professional.

 

Do not think that your truth can be found by anyone else. By Danee Kiernan of Bouncing with Style: Starting over but Not From Scratch: Starting Over but Not From Scratch

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Danee Kienan co-author Bouncing with Style

Danee Kienan co-author Bouncing with Style

By Danee Kiernan

Life is Almost Always Good and co-author of Bouncing with Style: Starting over but Not From Scratch. #6

I believe that everyone has their own sorrows, successes, hardships and ability to survive.  These are very personal pieces and profoundly affect the very core of our being.  You cannot know how I felt while wandering around in my ravine, just as I cannot know how you feel in yours.  I can and will, however, empathize, sympathize and support you on your path.  But it would be completely untrue to assume that I know exactly how you feel. 

You, my friend, are a unique individual with your lifetime of experiences. These events weave into a complex design making up the fabric of you.  This is your life. You are responsible for it. You need to be responsible to you.  Do not think that your truth can be found by anyone else.

We have all heard of people who have survived incredible episodes in their lives.  We are in awe of their ability to pull themselves back together and move ahead.  Sometimes it’s out of necessity because of their responsibility to others, sometimes they have successfully pushed their feelings down (a temporary fix) and sometimes it’s because they had some strategies that worked for them to make it through.  I am not a trained professional in counseling or therapy and I don’t pretend to be.  What I am, is a person who has survived some (in my humble opinion, pretty devastating) life events.  What I have to offer, is myself, my stories and observations.  I can listen, cry and laugh with you, as you help yourself continue on your journey. The strategies that Sandra and I share in Bouncing with Style: Starting over but Not From Scratch: Starting over but not from Scratch, are not rocket science, but they are meaningful and effective and a valid chunk of girlfriend knowledge that can help you find your bounce.

 

Danee Kiernan is a writer, parent, entrepreneur and co-author of Bouncing with Style: Starting over but Not From Scratch: Starting over but Not From Scratch.  She connects with others based on her experiences as a full time woman, full time mom (adoptive, birth & foster), stay at home mom, working woman and business owner.  She hopes that sharing her experiences openly will help others to find their bounce.  Danee is a powerful advocate for women’s rights, especially every woman’s right to choose her own destiny and build the life that she desires.

Danee Kiernan earned a BS degree in Elementary Education with an early childhood specialization fromIowaWesleyanCollege, and an MBA from the University of Wisconsin-Milwaukee. Danee believes in the importance of love, family and pursuing dreams.   She makes her home inWisconsin, where she and husband Jim, are thoroughly enjoying the experience of raising their 12 children. 

You can reach Danee Kiernan at daneeKiernan@gmail.com

Making Over or Make Over??? By Sandra Beck of Bouncing with Style: Starting over but Not From Scratch

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Sandra Beck  co-author Bouncing with Style

Sandra Beck co-author Bouncing with Style

By Sandra Beck, Bouncing with Style

 

Starting Over but Not from Scratch and author of Bouncing with Style. #6.

 

The first part of my makeover boot camp was to take a long harsh look in the mirror. Not a hard look mind you…a harsh look.  My hair was limp and drab – pulled back from my face so I looked almost bald from certain angles.  The severity of the style reflected the severity of the pain in my heart.  My eyes were shadowed and dull from endless nights of tossing and turning worrying about what I was going to do and fighting the feeling that the world was crashing down around my shoulders.   I wasn’t afraid of supporting myself, or raising my children, or living alone, or finding a new partner…but I was afraid of all those happening at once.  The lines of fatigue were etched on my forehead dueling with the lines created by worry.

 

So that’s the head.  I looked at my body hidden under an old sweatshirt and sweatpants. I was soft, out of shape and pudgy…scratch that…I was downright fat.  To really punish myself I walked over onto the scale and stared at the number in disbelief.  Wow, that was brutal. How did I get so fat.  I wasn’t eating but what I did eat was garbage.  Another failure.  I was fat. I was out of shape. My entire physical being was a wreck.  But that was worlds better than I was on the inside.

 

Inside I was numb. Completely disconnected from myself and feeling nothing but pain and loss. I didn’t know what to do with all the inside stuff.  It was too complicated, too confusing and too painful to deal with so I just left it alone for now.  Besides it was easier to work on the outside than the inside and I had already taken care of my feet.  Next stop the gym.

 

Internet Brand Strategist Sandra Beck, owner of Motherhood Incorporated is also the host of Motherhood Talk Radio and Military Mom Talk Radio powered by Toginet Communications.  A powerful advocate for mothers’ right to choose what is best for their family and using technology to make those choices possible, Sandra Beck paves the way for women today to determine the course of their own lives and live their best possible life.  Sandra Beck makes her home inActon,California. She is the single mother of two young boys, Max and Zachary Levin and she is the author of The Smart Woman’s Guide to Working from Home and Blogphoria – How to Reach Millions without Spending a Dime.

 

Sandra Beck has authored a Life Coaching Lesson Series  titled  Starting Over but Not From Scratch and author of Bouncing with Style. based on her experience as a stay at home mother, full time working mother, part time working mother and self employed mother working from home.  It is her hope that these articles help women create their own life with respect to their needs of themselves and their family.  These articles are offered for informational purposes only and are not intended to take the place of a licensed professional.

Life Starts at the End of Your Comfort Zone. By Danee Kiernan of Bouncing with Style: Starting over but Not From Scratch: Starting Over but Not From Scratch

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Danee Kienan co-author Bouncing with Style

Danee Kienan co-author Bouncing with Style

By Danee Kiernan

Life is Almost Always Good and co-author of Bouncing with Style: Starting over but Not From Scratch. #5

I’m a list girl.  Sometimes I even make lists about what lists I want to make.  I like lists.  They can be different colors.  They can be typed or hand written.  They can short, long or in between.  The possibilities are endless.  Yes, I like lists.

And what I like even more than making lists, is crossing things off of my list.  Maybe it’s a control thing. 

OK, it’s obviously a control thing.  When lists are scattered in my head, I don’t have a mental tally of how much I’ve accomplished and how much is left to do. I like to complete things and even better, I like to see them crossed off on my list. It makes me feel good.  And since I was working on me feeling better……

I began my list.  It was a mental list initially because I only had 3 things on it-shower daily, shave more and eat less.   But soon it began to grow.  I bought myself a notebook, because my list started to feel important and I didn’t want to forget anything.  I realized that just thinking of ways to take care of myself made me feel better.  Once I actually took the step to write my list, I felt real changes taking place. Documenting my ideas and giving them importance made me see myself and my situation differently. 

I now saw an available slate to work with.  I saw that my world was wide open. I saw that I could do anything I wanted. I could make my life, my life.  Ideas awakened and flowed from deep within me, and I realized that once I began to change how I cared about myself…. my thoughts and feelings, about myself and my world, changed as well. I began to look forward to my new time alone with my notebook.  I saw a glimpse and the start of my journey to bounce. 

It was a small bounce at first, but a bounce just the same and it was me learning to be OK with me. 

 

Danee Kiernan is a writer, parent, entrepreneur and co-author of Bouncing with Style: Starting over but Not From Scratch: Starting over but Not From Scratch.  She connects with others based on her experiences as a full time woman, full time mom (adoptive, birth & foster), stay at home mom, working woman and business owner.  She hopes that sharing her experiences openly will help others to find their bounce.  Danee is a powerful advocate for women’s rights, especially every woman’s right to choose her own destiny and build the life that she desires.

Danee Kiernan earned a BS degree in Elementary Education with an early childhood specialization fromIowaWesleyanCollege, and an MBA from the University of Wisconsin-Milwaukee. Danee believes in the importance of love, family and pursuing dreams.   She makes her home inWisconsin, where she and husband Jim, are thoroughly enjoying the experience of raising their 12 children. 

You can reach Danee Kiernan at daneeKiernan@gmail.com

Out of the Mouths of Babes By Sandra Beck of Bouncing with Style: Starting over but Not From Scratch

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Sandra Beck  co-author Bouncing with Style

Sandra Beck co-author Bouncing with Style

By Sandra Beck, Bouncing with Style

 

Starting Over but Not from Scratch and author of Bouncing with Style. #5.

 

I know you think that from the Toe Polishing moment forward that I morphed into a beauty queen.  Not quite. In fact, it was just the next day that I ran to pick up my older son from kindergarten with pen on my face, old sweatpants and the ugly mom-bun up do. But I did wear flip flops and admire my feet.

 

As I drove my son home chattering away in the back seat, he said to me his teach liked his explanation of what his mom and dad did for a living.  Apparently my son had said, my parents don’t live together.  My mom tells people what to do and money comes in a Fedex truck. My dad just watches TV.  I found this vastly amusing until he told me his teacher asked what I tell people to do.  My son told her that I help people be their best and that the teacher could use some “me” time.

 

As the prophecy out of the mouths of babes, my son had unwittingly given me a message that I had often given my clients.  It’s a healthy goal to have self-love, self-appreciation and self-dependence – and that one needs time and plan to work this into their daily lives. With burning cheeks I realized that I had not been following my own advice and that though I had spend hours upon hours directing my clients, I had missed the fundamental truths in what I do.  I could help others but I was not helping myself.

 

So the author, coach and speaker who had been on interviewed countless times on the subject of failing to plan means you are planning to fail finally listened to her own teaching.  I went to Staples and bought a notebook and labeled it “Me”  In here I was going to put my notes, my thoughts, the exercises I ripped out of my beloved Shape magazines and I decided before I take on my next client, that I would take care of myself first.

 

I created my own makeover boot camp which was loving and brutal at the same time.

 

Internet Brand Strategist Sandra Beck, owner of Motherhood Incorporated is also the host of Motherhood Talk Radio and Military Mom Talk Radio powered by Toginet Communications.  A powerful advocate for mothers’ right to choose what is best for their family and using technology to make those choices possible, Sandra Beck paves the way for women today to determine the course of their own lives and live their best possible life.  Sandra Beck makes her home inActon,California. She is the single mother of two young boys, Max and Zachary Levin and she is the author of The Smart Woman’s Guide to Working from Home and Blogphoria – How to Reach Millions without Spending a Dime.

 

Sandra Beck has authored a Life Coaching Lesson Series  titled  Starting Over but Not From Scratch and author of Bouncing with Style. based on her experience as a stay at home mother, full time working mother, part time working mother and self employed mother working from home.  It is her hope that these articles help women create their own life with respect to their needs of themselves and their family.  These articles are offered for informational purposes only and are not intended to take the place of a licensed professional.

 

Enough about me… Let’s talk about me. By Danee Kiernan of Bouncing with Style: Starting over but Not From Scratch

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By Danee Kiernan

Life is Almost Always Good and co-author of Bouncing with Style: Starting over but Not From Scratch. #4

 I

Danee Kienan co-author Bouncing with Style

Danee Kienan co-author Bouncing with Style

got the kids fed, dressed and off to school.  On my way to work, I revisited the possibility of taking care of me.  The concept was novel and the thought was…hmmm… intriguing.  I knew many women, of course, who took the time to care for themselves.  They were committed to giving back to their bodies and souls, and it showed.  In a painfully, honest moment (one of many more yet to come), I had to admit that I hadn’t really considered myself much lately at all.  And when I thought about it, it became obvious that hadn’t been paying attention for quite awhile. 

Before I got married, I had the me mindset and all the time in the world to indulge myself.  Marriage and motherhood changed that in a hurry. I was on the all too familiar path of too busy working, cleaning, paying bills and raising kids. And of course, after the divorce, I was way too busy being miserable, angry and constructing my tunnel of woe.  The realization finally hit.  Somehow and for whatever reasons, I hadn’t really connected with me in a very long time.  I wondered how I was doing….I started to feel excited at the possibility of spending some quality moments with myself.  Unfortunately, I hadn’t the slightest idea about where to begin 

What could I do for me?  What do I like to do?  What would be fun?   What do my mind, body and soul need?  Where do I start? I asked aloud. 

 “I thought you would never ask…” was the response.

 

Danee Kiernan is a writer, parent, entrepreneur and co-author of Bouncing with Style: Starting over but Not From Scratch: Starting over but Not From Scratch.  She connects with others based on her experiences as a full time woman, full time mom (adoptive, birth & foster), stay at home mom, working woman and business owner.  She hopes that sharing her experiences openly will help others to find their bounce.  Danee is a powerful advocate for women’s rights, especially every woman’s right to choose her own destiny and build the life that she desires.

Danee Kiernan earned a BS degree in Elementary Education with an early childhood specialization fromIowaWesleyanCollege, and an MBA from the University of Wisconsin-Milwaukee. Danee believes in the importance of love, family and pursuing dreams.   She makes her home inWisconsin, where she and husband Jim, are thoroughly enjoying the experience of raising their 12 children. 

You can reach Danee Kiernan at daneeKiernan@gmail.com