Starting Over but Not from Scratch and author of Bouncing with Style. #7
I hated the gym. I hated the smell, the bright lights and the locker room that afforded no privacy. I had paid for a lifetime membership years ago so all I had to do was show up. I was frightened I would not have enough money and I was hemmoraging from my savings account paying for the overhead that my husband had walked out on. My property payments alone were $5000. My ex never made a lot of money, but the money he did make helped and the security of knowing he was there for me – falsely I might add – helped me make more. I wanted to buy a new gym bag. I wanted to buy pretty workout clothes but the cost of that whim left me shaky.
I pulled on an ancient pair of leggings and my old lifeguard shirt from college hoping I at least appeared athletic. Funny thing about athletic wear, I noticed that the most out of shape people often walk around in sports wear, team wear and workout clothes. They are fooling no one and neither was I. The funny thing about divorce is it strips you of your dignity. You were dumped. You were left. You were cheated on. The only ones I see thriving immediately are those who were having an affair and finally released from the ball and chain. If you haven’t guessed by now, I was the ball and chain. My ex and his trashy girlfriend were at the gym, working out, going to dinner in town so everyone could see them and running all over southernCaliforniawith my kids and her kids like one big fucking happy family.
I was on the spin bike trying to get my feet in those little grippy things. I had always been a good athlete but when your heart weighs a ton its hard to move the pedals. The first few times at the gym I worked out but mostly cried. I found it was easier to cry in the pool. You have goggles on and your face is in the water and no one things anything of red rimmed eyes from the chlorine. At least that’s what I told myself.
Internet Brand Strategist Sandra Beck, owner of Motherhood Incorporated is also the host of Motherhood Talk Radio and Military Mom Talk Radio powered by Toginet Communications. A powerful advocate for mothers’ right to choose what is best for their family and using technology to make those choices possible, Sandra Beck paves the way for women today to determine the course of their own lives and live their best possible life. Sandra Beck makes her home inActon,California. She is the single mother of two young boys, Max and Zachary Levin and she is the author of The Smart Woman’s Guide to Working from Home and Blogphoria – How to Reach Millions without Spending a Dime.
Sandra Beck has authored a Life Coaching Lesson Series titled Starting Over but Not From Scratch and author of Bouncing with Style. based on her experience as a stay at home mother, full time working mother, part time working mother and self employed mother working from home. It is her hope that these articles help women create their own life with respect to their needs of themselves and their family. These articles are offered for informational purposes only and are not intended to take the place of a licensed professional.