By Danee Kiernan
Life is Almost Always Good and co-author of Bouncing with Style #38
In the past week I have heard the stories and experiences of some women…..Some that I’ve known for years and some that are new to my circle of friendship. I am humbled and in awe of what people are going through in their lives and their ability to regain their footing and bounce back……Amazing.
A woman is in the middle of a divorce and custody battle. She was married for 6 years. Her husband, it turns out, is a compulsive liar who in the six years of their marriage managed to deplete their joint savings, partake in multiple affairs (while his wife was pregnant), fathered a child with another woman (denying paternity and any involvement in the child’s life even after DNA proof) and actively engaged in addictive behaviors. They have one son who has been diagnosed with Aspergers.
A woman has two children and is happily married. This woman has dreamed for years to have children and be a stay at home Mom……She confides over lunch that she is bitter and angry mother who resents her children and how they have drastically changed her life. Her babies are 2 & 4. She is tired and longs for a time when she can meet her own needs, have fun and not be responsible for anyone else. She loves her children and has incredible guilt over the fact that she feels this way. She secretly admits that she is especially hard on her oldest because he was her first, and the one who took her freedom from her. She longs for the day when her children are grown and she and her husband can escape to a time that she knew and loved before kids.
A woman has been a stay at home Mom and raised her two sons, now in their early 20’s. Her husband travels for work and has been on the road for much of their life together. Her sons live at home…And are, for the most part, unemployed. This friend has recently been diagnosed with Lupus. During a phone call this week she told me that one of her boys is struggling with drug and alcohol addictions. She told me that her son has openly hated her since high school and now has been stealing her car to go out drinking at night. He is, she said, a mean drunk. Her husband, who has provided little emotional or parenting support to her during the raising of their children, is no different now. From the road, he shares his opinion about all that she could be doing better. He blames her for their family’s state of affairs. She is contemplating divorce, but feeling trapped, is frozen in fear of taking the first step.
A woman in her 50’s relinquished her daughter for adoption 34 years ago. A few years ago, the daughter searched and found her biological mother. Their reunion has been rocky and filled with raw emotion, rejection, anger, sadness, love and questions. Since choosing adoption for her infant daughter, this woman has gotten married and had another child, a daughter, who is now 15. Each day is a step toward the future…..An uneasy road of relationship building filled with hurt, sadness, guilt and hope. This woman does not regret her decision so long ago to not parent her child. She was too young and not able to be the parent she wanted for her baby. Her daughter’s adoptive Mom was nervous felt very vulnerable about inviting this woman into their lives. Would her daughter love her biological Mom more? Would she lose her daughter to this stranger who had chosen adoption for her child so many years ago? The adoptive Mother never told her daughter that she had been adopted. She thought that she would never find out. But, of course she did……And just as these three women were beginning to piece together their lives and move forward in their new roles, the adoptive mother passed away suddenly on Saturday. What a spiral of craziness……a tangle of paths…..an interruption of a fragile, blossoming relationship trio. Another life altering loss in a circle of women who are clinging to one another and trying to find their way on this emotional journey of motherhood and daughterhood together.
A woman has worked her entire life to start her own business. She is in her 40’s and has chosen to remain single over being married, healthy lifestyle over unhealthy, career over relaxation and saving money over spending……This woman has worked hard forever and a few years ago, finally realized her dream of starting her business. A few months into her business start up, this woman became ill and was diagnosed with Cystic Fibrosis. Today, she relies on others to slap her back to help her lungs clear so she can breathe. She relies on government insurance to go to the doctor. She relies on medications to keep her alive. She relies on her inner strength to wake up and get out of bed in the morning. She bounces to not give up. She says that she has worked too hard to give up now.
I am humbled and in awe of what people are going through in their lives and their ability to regain their footing and bounce back……Amazing. Share a kind word, a hug and hope. Reach out to those in your circle and beyond.
Danee Kiernan is a writer, parent, entrepreneur and co-author of Bouncing with Style: Starting over but Not From Scratch. She connects with others based on her experiences as a full time woman, full time mom (adoptive, birth & foster), stay at home mom, working woman and business owner. She hopes that sharing her experiences openly will help others to find their bounce. Danee is a powerful advocate for women’s rights, especially every woman’s right to choose her own destiny and build the life that she desires.
Danee KIernan earned a BS degree in Elementary Education with an early childhood specialization from Iowa Wesleyan College, and an MBA from the University of Wisconsin-Milwaukee. Danee believes in the importance of love, family and pursuing dreams. She makes her home in Wisconsin, where she and husband Jim, are thoroughly enjoying the experience of raising their 11 children.
You can reach Danee Kiernan at email@example.com