Tag Archives: dealing with a failed marriage

Life Leadership: Old Flour by Sandra Beck for Bouncing with Style: Starting Over but Not From Scratch.

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Sandra Beck co-author Bouncing with Style

Sandra Beck co-author Bouncing with Style

By Sandra Beck

 

Recently I found this great brownie recipe online – the good kind from scratch where you shave the chocolate into bits and mix the ingredients from their original source, not from a boxed package.

 

I was so excited and since I had a lot of wonderful chocolate left over from the holidays I made a massive batch filling up 6 pans thinking I would share them with neighbors, family and friends.  I used this huge 5 pound bag of flour that I had removed from my mom’s house after she died. I didn’t check the date.  The flour was years old but I didn’t know that because the packaging was unopened.

 

The brownies came out like bricks.  So bad I had to soak the pans just to clean them.  They never rose to the occasion and the flour was stale.  I stood there in the kitchen so frustrated until I thought about the lesson here. Sure, use fresh ingredients got that.  But for us as women it goes deeper than that.

 

How can we expect to rise to the occasion when we are the same old stale self?  I realized with the brownie bricks that I was stuck in some of my old ways and if I expected my life to rise to the occasion I would need to use a fresh me and not the same old stale me.  I never did make any more brownies because the fresh me doesn’t want to get fat…lol…but I do show up fresh everyday so I can rise to the occasion.

 

Sandra Beck is the host of Military Mom Talk Radio  and Motherhood Talk Radio.  She is the single mother of two boys ages 5 and 8, and the owner of Motherhood Incorporated.

 

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Life Leadership: Innocence Lost and Found by Sandra Beck for Bouncing with Style: Starting Over but Not From Scratch.

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Sandra Beck co-author Bouncing with Style

Sandra Beck co-author Bouncing with Style

By Sandra Beck

One of the things I know about life is that over time we lose our innocence – especially after traumatic events or situations such as deployment or loss.  It’s like you come back and you are in a plastic box where the whole world continues around you but you just observe it from inside that little bubble. You can feel completely detached and separate from the emotions, but little by little you start coming back.
This is where and when you have to really take stock of your experience and make a decision. Do you want that experience to make you hard, impenetrable, and unreachable? Do you want to take that experience and process it with a friend or professional and let it become the fabric of your life but not your whole life?

 

I vote for the latter. When I came out of my own darkness I made a choice not to be bitter, angry, and a fortress that kept everyone away. It was a choice and something that would have been very easy to do. But I didn’t and as a result found a very rich and fulfilling life.  It could have easily gone the other way if I let it. I’m not saying that I don’t have bitter, angry feelings from time to time – but I have made a conscious effort to let them go and return to my original state of innocence where the world is a bright shiny place to explore.

 

Sandra Beck is the host of Military Mom Talk Radio  and Motherhood Talk Radio.  She is the single mother of two boys ages 5 and 8, and the owner of Motherhood Incorporated.

 

Best Gift! Positivity in Color Bracelet from Lifetherapy by Sandra Beck of Motherhood Incorporated!

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By Sandra Beck

 

lifetherapy packaging
How cute is this?

I have to tell you I buy a lot of things.  A lot of girly things between makeup, jewelry clothes and stuff.  Today in the mail I got a birthday gift that came from the company Lifetherapy.com.  Now you know from time to time I am known to wax poetic over a shoe or a handbag or lip liner!  Today it’s all about the Positivity in Color Bracelet.

 

First of all I took pictures of the packaging because it was almost too nice to open. I love also that the bracelet comes in this cute little box where I can store it and find it without it opening and dislodging the contents…yes it fell off my desk!  Beyond the cute little bow and the cool hang tag with the product information, the bracelet itself rocked my world.

lifetherapy positivity in color bracelet and package
Ohhhh its yummy!

 

A bracelet? Yes, but I am going to go out on a limb and say this is more than just a bracelet. Because it’s a wrap, and because I am the McGuyver of Motherhood I immediately found a few more uses for this “bracelet.”

 

positivity in color bracelet lifetherapy
What’s Not to Love!

Like I toddler I immediately wrapped it around my neck. Instant cool jamming necklace!  Then I wrapped it around my ankle. I was so excited because I wear a lot of black and turquoise would really pop and look good against my pale almost never tan leg when I wear my bathing suit and sarong.  Its way to cute to swim in, but pool side party I am there.  And just because I am me, I realized I could add two little hooks and give one to my girlfriend who wears this awful eyeglass holder one that is so not cool, so not Zen and so not…well its just not.  And you know who you are…and when you read this think of your five seconds of fame in a blog post – and lose the dorky chain mama!

 

Either way I was overjoyed from beginning to end with this “bracelet” slash body ornament…and I even wrapped it in my hair with a braid and around a pony tail…I love the Positivity in Color Bracelet. I need one in every color too.

 

And, no I wasn’t paid to write this!

Life Leadership: Our Emotional Cycles by Sandra Beck for Bouncing with Style

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Sandra Beck co-author Bouncing with Style

Sandra Beck co-author Bouncing with Style

By Sandra Beck

I am sure I am going to take a lot of flak for saying this but in my experience as a woman, and having women friends, working with women clients and being raised by a passionate loving mother and sister here is what I learned. I checked it out with my psychologist friend and she agreed so I can’t be that far off the mark.

 

I think we as women cycle through a set of high emotions in about 45 minutes and through a full emotional cycle in about 3 hours. I noticed this one day when I was really upset about the Commander I have been seeing and my friend reminded me of the 45 minute high emotion cycle. I went for a walk and true to form in about 45 minutes I started seeing things differently.  In three hours from my initial freak out I saw the situation very differently. By the time I did communicate with him I was able to do so in a manner that treated us both with respect and allowed our friendship to flourish not be damaged.

 

I’m not a shrink or a doctor but I have spent so much time with women where I see this happening and find it to be true to myself. I hope the next time you are in high emotion think about the 45 minutes and the 3 hour rule. It made a difference for the better in my life. I hope it does in yours.

 

Sandra Beck is the host of Military Mom Talk Radio  and Motherhood Talk Radio.  She is the single mother of two boys ages 5 and 8, and the owner of Motherhood Incorporated.

Fire at Will By Sandra Beck of Bouncing with Style: Starting over but Not From Scratch

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Sandra Beck co-author Bouncing with Style

Sandra Beck co-author Bouncing with Style

By Sandra Beck, Bouncing with Style

When I was writing the title to this blog post I was thinking to myself could it get anymore cheese ball than this? I’m starting to sound like my mother. But I realized today that she was right and most of those hokey dokey sayings have a lot of truth to them.

Recently I have gone through separation, divorce, death, foreclosure, custody battles and a financial upheaval in my company. Most of these things were out of my control and I had to take a step back and think about how I wanted to show up in my life.  I ran away from home one weekend when my ex had the kids.

I drove 6 hours to theGrand Canyonand I sat on the edge looking at the vibrant layers of earth carved out over millions of years.  Relax I wasn’t going to jump, but I sat there thinking how tiny and insignificant I am, but my problems could fill up the great ravine.  A tour bus pulled up and dumped out a bunch of women.  Being me I sat their and eavesdropped on their conversation.  Polite no. Interesting yes.

The women who should have been rejoicing in the magnificent beauty were bitching about their ex’s. They were bitter, nasty, funny, sad and missing the whole point of theGrand Canyon. I also noticed a lot of them were quite rude to the male bus driver.  He was taking one not just for the team but the entire male species from what I could see.

I thought about myself and how I felt. Sure I was bitter, nasty, funny, sad and missing the whole point of life some days, but I had a choice on how I was going to treat people around me. At that point my life was in the “shitter” as my dad would say, but I realized that when I just treated people with kindness despite my inner turmoil and fear life was easier.  So my advice today despite all you are going through is just be kind – to yourselves and others around you.  Unless it’s your ex and then feel free to fire at will…kidding! Am I????

Internet Brand Strategist Sandra Beck, owner of Motherhood Incorporated is also the host of Motherhood Talk Radio and Military Mom Talk Radio powered by Toginet Communications.  A powerful advocate for mothers’ right to choose what is best for their family and using technology to make those choices possible, Sandra Beck paves the way for women today to determine the course of their own lives and live their best possible life.  Sandra Beck makes her home inActon,California. She is the single mother of two young boys, Max and Zachary Levin and she is the author of The Smart Woman’s Guide to Working from Home and Blogphoria – How to Reach Millions without Spending a Dime.

Sandra Beck has authored a Life Coaching Lesson Series titled  Starting Over but Not From Scratch and author of Bouncing with Style. based on her experience as a stay at home mother, full time working mother, part time working mother and self employed mother working from home.  It is her hope that these articles help women create their own life with respect to their needs of themselves and their family.  These articles are offered for informational purposes only and are not intended to take the place of a licensed professional.

You can be Happy Again By Sandra Beck of Bouncing with Style: Starting over but Not From Scratch

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Sandra Beck co-author Bouncing with Style

Sandra Beck co-author Bouncing with Style

By Sandra Beck, Bouncing with Style

Four years ago if you had said to me that I would be happy and joyful and silly and carefree I would have taken you to have your head examined.  I was struggling every day to make ends meet, to be a single mom to an infant and toddler.  My mother was dying from cancer and I was going through foreclosure.  Yes, the stuff dreams are made of.

I want to a few therapists. Some were good. Some not so much. I talked to friends and got great advice and listened to some really stupid stuff.  I was like a pinball running into bumpers, getting slammed across the room and rolling around sometimes aimless racked with fear.  Not a good look.

Then one therapist said the problem you are having right now is that you don’t believe in the possibility that things will get better.  I looked at her.  She was right.  She told me to fake it until I make it and I rolled my eyes.  So I tried it.  Every day for thirty days I read these index cards in which I wrote out in marker about the wonderful things in my life.  How I am grateful for my health. I am grateful I can earn a living.  I am grateful for my kids.  I am grateful for the doctors and nurses working hard to extend my mom’s life.

The situation didn’t changed, but the way I thought about it did. Instead of feeling fear, gloom, doom and sadness, I felt stronger, more hopeful and began to believe in the possibility that things would get better.  Changing my thinking didn’t change the outcome. I still lost my house. I still lost my mom.  But I didn’t suffer as much along the way as I began to manage my mind.  Best part of it, it’s free.  No drugs. No appointments.  Just 30 days, a few index cards and a pen.

Internet Brand Strategist Sandra Beck, owner of Motherhood Incorporated is also the host of Motherhood Talk Radio and Military Mom Talk Radio powered by Toginet Communications.  A powerful advocate for mothers’ right to choose what is best for their family and using technology to make those choices possible, Sandra Beck paves the way for women today to determine the course of their own lives and live their best possible life.  Sandra Beck makes her home inActon,California. She is the single mother of two young boys, Max and Zachary Levin and she is the author of The Smart Woman’s Guide to Working from Home and Blogphoria – How to Reach Millions without Spending a Dime.

Sandra Beck has authored a Life Coaching Lesson Series titled  Starting Over but Not From Scratch and author of Bouncing with Style. based on her experience as a stay at home mother, full time working mother, part time working mother and self employed mother working from home.  It is her hope that these articles help women create their own life with respect to their needs of themselves and their family.  These articles are offered for informational purposes only and are not intended to take the place of a licensed professional.

Yeah Right, Be Still By Sandra Beck of Bouncing with Style: Starting over but Not From Scratch

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Sandra Beck co-author Bouncing with Style

Sandra Beck co-author Bouncing with Style

By Sandra Beck, Bouncing with Style

 

Yeah Right.  Be Still.

 

When my friend told me this, I was like Man you are off your rocker…you want me a single mother of two boys, mid custody battle, staving off foreclosure and gaining weight to be still.

 

Yep, he said.  Be Still.

 

So I sat down on the floor like a yogi. More to demonstrate my annoyance with the process than really seeking inner peace.  No what I demanded of my friend.  He said, “Be quite and offer all your worries up to your higher power and finish with what you are thankful for.”

 

I snorted.  I closed my eyes and complained to my God.  I started with “Great job on the ex-husband, God. That was a real winner…”  It went downhill from there until I had pretty much enumerated all that was on my mind from state tax hikes to split ends. I took a deep breath wanting to kick my friend for looking so serene and decided I would think about what I was grateful for.

 

It was weird but when I did I felt myself starting to relax I felt good.  It felt good.  To unload everything in my mind to my higher power and really think about what I was grateful for.  It worked. I did feel better.  I still wanted to kick my serene friend but that was just because he was so smug.

 

Next time you have too much to carry, sit and be still. Offload and think about what you are grateful for.  Mock me all you want, but it works.

 

Internet Brand Strategist Sandra Beck, owner of Motherhood Incorporated is also the host of Motherhood Talk Radio and Military Mom Talk Radio powered by Toginet Communications.  A powerful advocate for mothers’ right to choose what is best for their family and using technology to make those choices possible, Sandra Beck paves the way for women today to determine the course of their own lives and live their best possible life.  Sandra Beck makes her home inActon,California. She is the single mother of two young boys, Max and Zachary Levin and she is the author of The Smart Woman’s Guide to Working from Home and Blogphoria – How to Reach Millions without Spending a Dime.

 

Sandra Beck has authored a Life Coaching Lesson Series titled  Starting Over but Not From Scratch and author of Bouncing with Style. based on her experience as a stay at home mother, full time working mother, part time working mother and self employed mother working from home.  It is her hope that these articles help women create their own life with respect to their needs of themselves and their family.  These articles are offered for informational purposes only and are not intended to take the place of a licensed professional.