Life is Almost Always Good and co-author of Bouncing with Style: Starting over but Not From Scratch. #7
During difficult times in my life, well meaning friends and family tried to help me in their way by sharing words of wisdom. Some phrases that come to mind are:
This too shall pass…. (Who cares? I’m miserable now…)…..What goes around, comes around…. (Who cares? I’m miserable now)…..There are plenty fish in the sea… (Who cares? I’m miserable now)…It was meant to be …(Are you crazy????).
Now I want to be clear. I love that people tried to help me. I just didn’t love what they said. The sound bites weren’t working for me and most of the time they just made me feel worse….So in my altered state, I did what any other depressed individual would do….I blamed them for not helping me….At that time in my life, everyone was to blame…. And I blamed myself too….I was not exempt….Guilt is the gift that keeps on giving…..
After a short time, I noticed that my list about taking care of me, became an extended dialogue about me. A documentation of random thoughts, written ramblings and emotional expressions that I didn’t even know I had. I took the time to read over my notes from time to time. Each reading provided me with more insight about how I was feeling and why. Even more interesting, was that I could re-read the same section at different times and feel differently depending on where I was in the recovery process. As I wrote and read, I began to realize that I had the power to make my divorce a permanent scar that I could bronze, and wear on my sleeve forever or I could use my power to make my divorce an opportunity to start over.
The thought was amazing…..I had the chance to do things over. I had the chance to form new beliefs about myself, my world and my future. I was the one who needed to get me through this. No one else could do it for me, and there was no one to blame if things didn’t go well. My future was mine, all mine….I could choose my destiny in the direction of my dreams or hang out for years soloing in my personal dance of disappointment.
Danee Kiernan is a writer, parent, entrepreneur and co-author of Bouncing with Style: Starting over but Not From Scratch: Starting over but Not From Scratch. She connects with others based on her experiences as a full time woman, full time mom (adoptive, birth & foster), stay at home mom, working woman and business owner. She hopes that sharing her experiences openly will help others to find their bounce. Danee is a powerful advocate for women’s rights, especially every woman’s right to choose her own destiny and build the life that she desires.
Danee Kiernan earned a BS degree in Elementary Education with an early childhood specialization fromIowaWesleyanCollege, and an MBA from the University of Wisconsin-Milwaukee. Danee believes in the importance of love, family and pursuing dreams. She makes her home inWisconsin, where she and husband Jim, are thoroughly enjoying the experience of raising their 12 children.
You can reach Danee Kiernan at daneeKiernan@gmail.com