Tag Archives: Military Mom Talk Radio

Bouncing with Style: Reverse Forgiveness by Sandra Beck

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by Sandra Beck

One of the things that strikes me on a weekly basis is how I can in one week forgive my ex-husband for his cheating and abandonment of me and then the next week I’m back to hating his guts and those of Bozo his mistress. Am I bitter? You bet. Angry? Totally. Able to let it go and move on….not so much.

What I have found with forgiveness is that it’s not really a one-shot deal. Now sometimes it’s because the original sin is aggravated. When my ex gave my child’s mother’s day card made in his kindergarten class to his mistress I wanted to rip his and her heads off. I went into this crazy mommy spiral thinking how could Bozo as a mother accept that card? It created a litany of personal wrongs that whipped my non-forgiving spirit into full force. I got all caught up in a tangle of withdrawn forgiveness for my ex, for Bozo and for myself because it most scenarios there’s more than one thing to forgive and one person. It’s hard just to forgive like rain off an umbrella all the individual betrayals that make up an affair. And when one forgiveness is challenged, it can cause a whole hailstorm of memories that require forgiveness.

But sometimes, without apparent warning, reverse forgiveness just hits you. I hear this from my friends who were in long term marriages and relationships and their partner cheated on them and left. It affects both men and women. The cheating is bad enough but then to be left with your hat in hand is like salt in a paper cut. Many report the same things as I am expressing to you. There are good days and bad days with respect to forgiveness.

Forgiveness is an ongoing struggle – like laying off the potato chips. It’s awfully tempting to relax into bitterness. It’s quite frankly a whole lot easier being bitter than moving on. Being bitter is sort of fun at times. Mean snarky things come out of my mouth that make me and others laugh at Bozo and my ex. It creates a temporary albeit memorable fix. It’s a lot more effort to take the high road, be the bigger person and to let things go.

I think its important to not only teach each other that forgiveness is a process but also that forgiveness is not a permanent state of being- at least it was not for me. I have to admit I kind of expected the sun to shine down on me, angels to strum their harps and I would magically lose 30 pounds all because I had found forgiveness. Well, it didn’t and it doesn’t.

I guess what I am trying to say is that you need to be realistic with yourself in your expectations of what happens when you finally “forgive” that person. Know that you can and probably will take it back especially when they do stupid and hurtful things to you. Know that you can reverse forgiveness and then find it again. We are human and do the best we can. And it’s much harder to be on the forgiveness train than the cheater bus.
Don’t believe me? Check out Amazon and see how many books there are to help the person who was betrayed. Thousands. No so much information out there to help the cheater recover. Why? Because they had fun running about and cheating while the rest of us stayed home and raised the kids and paid the bills. I read the cheater posts online, but somehow it’s hard for me to feel empathy for their guilt that they spent the night in a five star hotel with someone else’s husband – especially when family trips were spent in the Holiday Inn.

Hmmm…See? I’m back in my reverse forgiveness bitterness mode. But thankfully I have an outlet like writing and supporting others in their recover journey. I encourage you to find a healthy one for you. Because, after all, you can recover, you can rebound or you can Bounce with Style.

Sandra Beck, owner of Motherhood Incorporated is the host of three popular radio shows Military Mom Talk Radio, Motherhood Talk Radio and Poweredup with Beck and Franklin.

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Life Leadership: Old Flour by Sandra Beck for Bouncing with Style: Starting Over but Not From Scratch.

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Sandra Beck co-author Bouncing with Style

Sandra Beck co-author Bouncing with Style

By Sandra Beck

 

Recently I found this great brownie recipe online – the good kind from scratch where you shave the chocolate into bits and mix the ingredients from their original source, not from a boxed package.

 

I was so excited and since I had a lot of wonderful chocolate left over from the holidays I made a massive batch filling up 6 pans thinking I would share them with neighbors, family and friends.  I used this huge 5 pound bag of flour that I had removed from my mom’s house after she died. I didn’t check the date.  The flour was years old but I didn’t know that because the packaging was unopened.

 

The brownies came out like bricks.  So bad I had to soak the pans just to clean them.  They never rose to the occasion and the flour was stale.  I stood there in the kitchen so frustrated until I thought about the lesson here. Sure, use fresh ingredients got that.  But for us as women it goes deeper than that.

 

How can we expect to rise to the occasion when we are the same old stale self?  I realized with the brownie bricks that I was stuck in some of my old ways and if I expected my life to rise to the occasion I would need to use a fresh me and not the same old stale me.  I never did make any more brownies because the fresh me doesn’t want to get fat…lol…but I do show up fresh everyday so I can rise to the occasion.

 

Sandra Beck is the host of Military Mom Talk Radio  and Motherhood Talk Radio.  She is the single mother of two boys ages 5 and 8, and the owner of Motherhood Incorporated.

 

Life Leadership: Innocence Lost and Found by Sandra Beck for Bouncing with Style: Starting Over but Not From Scratch.

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Sandra Beck co-author Bouncing with Style

Sandra Beck co-author Bouncing with Style

By Sandra Beck

One of the things I know about life is that over time we lose our innocence – especially after traumatic events or situations such as deployment or loss.  It’s like you come back and you are in a plastic box where the whole world continues around you but you just observe it from inside that little bubble. You can feel completely detached and separate from the emotions, but little by little you start coming back.
This is where and when you have to really take stock of your experience and make a decision. Do you want that experience to make you hard, impenetrable, and unreachable? Do you want to take that experience and process it with a friend or professional and let it become the fabric of your life but not your whole life?

 

I vote for the latter. When I came out of my own darkness I made a choice not to be bitter, angry, and a fortress that kept everyone away. It was a choice and something that would have been very easy to do. But I didn’t and as a result found a very rich and fulfilling life.  It could have easily gone the other way if I let it. I’m not saying that I don’t have bitter, angry feelings from time to time – but I have made a conscious effort to let them go and return to my original state of innocence where the world is a bright shiny place to explore.

 

Sandra Beck is the host of Military Mom Talk Radio  and Motherhood Talk Radio.  She is the single mother of two boys ages 5 and 8, and the owner of Motherhood Incorporated.

 

Best Gift! Positivity in Color Bracelet from Lifetherapy by Sandra Beck of Motherhood Incorporated!

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By Sandra Beck

 

lifetherapy packaging
How cute is this?

I have to tell you I buy a lot of things.  A lot of girly things between makeup, jewelry clothes and stuff.  Today in the mail I got a birthday gift that came from the company Lifetherapy.com.  Now you know from time to time I am known to wax poetic over a shoe or a handbag or lip liner!  Today it’s all about the Positivity in Color Bracelet.

 

First of all I took pictures of the packaging because it was almost too nice to open. I love also that the bracelet comes in this cute little box where I can store it and find it without it opening and dislodging the contents…yes it fell off my desk!  Beyond the cute little bow and the cool hang tag with the product information, the bracelet itself rocked my world.

lifetherapy positivity in color bracelet and package
Ohhhh its yummy!

 

A bracelet? Yes, but I am going to go out on a limb and say this is more than just a bracelet. Because it’s a wrap, and because I am the McGuyver of Motherhood I immediately found a few more uses for this “bracelet.”

 

positivity in color bracelet lifetherapy
What’s Not to Love!

Like I toddler I immediately wrapped it around my neck. Instant cool jamming necklace!  Then I wrapped it around my ankle. I was so excited because I wear a lot of black and turquoise would really pop and look good against my pale almost never tan leg when I wear my bathing suit and sarong.  Its way to cute to swim in, but pool side party I am there.  And just because I am me, I realized I could add two little hooks and give one to my girlfriend who wears this awful eyeglass holder one that is so not cool, so not Zen and so not…well its just not.  And you know who you are…and when you read this think of your five seconds of fame in a blog post – and lose the dorky chain mama!

 

Either way I was overjoyed from beginning to end with this “bracelet” slash body ornament…and I even wrapped it in my hair with a braid and around a pony tail…I love the Positivity in Color Bracelet. I need one in every color too.

 

And, no I wasn’t paid to write this!

Life Leadership: Our Emotional Cycles by Sandra Beck for Bouncing with Style

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Sandra Beck co-author Bouncing with Style

Sandra Beck co-author Bouncing with Style

By Sandra Beck

I am sure I am going to take a lot of flak for saying this but in my experience as a woman, and having women friends, working with women clients and being raised by a passionate loving mother and sister here is what I learned. I checked it out with my psychologist friend and she agreed so I can’t be that far off the mark.

 

I think we as women cycle through a set of high emotions in about 45 minutes and through a full emotional cycle in about 3 hours. I noticed this one day when I was really upset about the Commander I have been seeing and my friend reminded me of the 45 minute high emotion cycle. I went for a walk and true to form in about 45 minutes I started seeing things differently.  In three hours from my initial freak out I saw the situation very differently. By the time I did communicate with him I was able to do so in a manner that treated us both with respect and allowed our friendship to flourish not be damaged.

 

I’m not a shrink or a doctor but I have spent so much time with women where I see this happening and find it to be true to myself. I hope the next time you are in high emotion think about the 45 minutes and the 3 hour rule. It made a difference for the better in my life. I hope it does in yours.

 

Sandra Beck is the host of Military Mom Talk Radio  and Motherhood Talk Radio.  She is the single mother of two boys ages 5 and 8, and the owner of Motherhood Incorporated.

Different Generations Living in the Same House by Sandra Beck of Bouncing with Style: Starting Over but Not From Scratch

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Sandra Beck

Sandra Beck

By Sandra Beck, Bouncing with Style

 

My mom died last year and this holiday season my dad who is 78 came to live with us for 6 months.  To get out of the Buffalo cold yes, but mostly to spend time with me and his 5 and 8 year old grandsons. And let’s not forget his 4 active grand-dogs that run around my ranch.

 

It’s been really interesting having three generations in my house. Sometimes four if you count the college students that work for my company who sit at the lunch table with my dad and my kids. We are all 20 something years apart…5, 25,40,70. The other day my dad started talk about the Navy and their part in World War 2.  Even though my little one and his brother kept thinking Grandpa was in the Civil War, the college students and I found his stories enthralling and fascinating.

 

It reminded me of how much we have to give whether we are 7 or 70. From giggles to hugs to insight to inspiration. Its all good.

 

 

 

 

 

Internet Brand Strategist Sandra Beck, owner of Motherhood Incorporated is also the host of Motherhood Talk Radio and Military Mom Talk Radio powered by Toginet Communications.  Her shows are also rebroadcast on the RockStarRadio Network and available on Itunes.

She is the single mother of two elementary school age boys and she is the author of The Smart Woman’s Guide to Working from Home and Blogphoria – How to Reach Millions without Spending a Dime. Sandra Beck has authored a Life Coaching Lesson Series titled Starting Over but Not from Scratch and author of Bouncing with Style. based on her experience as a stay at home mother, full time working mother, part time working mother and self employed mother working from home. Sandra is a graduate ofNorthwesternUniversity with her undergraduate in Journalism and her Master’s in Advertising.

 

These articles are offered for informational purposes only and are not intended to take the place of a licensed professional. Sandra Beck can be reached at Sandrabeck2@aol.com.

Nothing Tastes as Good as Thin Feels – Yum? Yes Some…So things Do by Sandra Beck of Bouncing with Style: Starting Over but Not From Scratch

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Sandra Beck Bouncing with Style

Sandra Beck Bouncing with Style

By Sandra Beck, Bouncing with Style

Since it’s the first week of the new year the television is filled with advertisements for Jenny Craig, Weight Watchers, Lean Cuisine and 24 hour fitness gyms.  Now I am not one to make fun of weight loss – I have struggled with my own over the years – especially losing the baby weight at 40 which was brutal. But I want to know why only at the first of the year – other than because of silly resolutions we almost never keep we set ourselves up for this monumental task thinking products and memberships will undo all we have done to our bodies in the past year or years.

Recently my friend came over after joining Lindora. I am sure she will lose the weight on the program and I am pretty sure she will put it on back after. Im not trying to rain on anyone’s parade or offend any advertisers that sincerely believe in their product but please – we got fat because we ate too much and moved too little.  Period.

When I hear these catchy slogans such as “Nothing tastes as good as Thin Feels,” I beg to differ. If feeling thin was that good – I wouldn’t be snacking right now as I right this.  Weighloss is a battle. Its an everyday ongoing relationship with food and daily decision making process.  For those of you like me who pledge to drop a few or more pounds this year – good for you…but I really only think we need one slogan and one program to succeed:  Eat Less and Move More.

Internet Brand Strategist Sandra Beck, owner of Motherhood Incorporated is also the host of Motherhood Talk Radio and Military Mom Talk Radio powered by Toginet Communications.  Her shows are also rebroadcast on the RockStarRadio Network and available on Itunes.

She is the single mother of two elementary school age boys and she is the author of The Smart Woman’s Guide to Working from Home and Blogphoria – How to Reach Millions without Spending a Dime. Sandra Beck has authored a Life Coaching Lesson Series titled Starting Over but Not from Scratch and author of Bouncing with Style. based on her experience as a stay at home mother, full time working mother, part time working mother and self employed mother working from home. Sandra is a graduate ofNorthwestern University with her undergraduate in Journalism and her Master’s in Advertising.

These articles are offered for informational purposes only and are not intended to take the place of a licensed professional. Sandra Beck can be reached at Sandrabeck2@aol.com.