Life Leadership: Old Flour by Sandra Beck for Bouncing with Style: Starting Over but Not From Scratch.

Sandra Beck co-author Bouncing with Style

By Sandra Beck

 

Recently I found this great brownie recipe online – the good kind from scratch where you shave the chocolate into bits and mix the ingredients from their original source, not from a boxed package.

 

I was so excited and since I had a lot of wonderful chocolate left over from the holidays I made a massive batch filling up 6 pans thinking I would share them with neighbors, family and friends.  I used this huge 5 pound bag of flour that I had removed from my mom’s house after she died. I didn’t check the date.  The flour was years old but I didn’t know that because the packaging was unopened.

 

The brownies came out like bricks.  So bad I had to soak the pans just to clean them.  They never rose to the occasion and the flour was stale.  I stood there in the kitchen so frustrated until I thought about the lesson here. Sure, use fresh ingredients got that.  But for us as women it goes deeper than that.

 

How can we expect to rise to the occasion when we are the same old stale self?  I realized with the brownie bricks that I was stuck in some of my old ways and if I expected my life to rise to the occasion I would need to use a fresh me and not the same old stale me.  I never did make any more brownies because the fresh me doesn’t want to get fat…lol…but I do show up fresh everyday so I can rise to the occasion.

 

Sandra Beck is the host of Military Mom Talk Radio  and Motherhood Talk Radio.  She is the single mother of two boys ages 5 and 8, and the owner of Motherhood Incorporated.

 

Life Leadership: Innocence Lost and Found by Sandra Beck for Bouncing with Style: Starting Over but Not From Scratch.

Sandra Beck co-author Bouncing with Style

By Sandra Beck

One of the things I know about life is that over time we lose our innocence – especially after traumatic events or situations such as deployment or loss.  It’s like you come back and you are in a plastic box where the whole world continues around you but you just observe it from inside that little bubble. You can feel completely detached and separate from the emotions, but little by little you start coming back.
This is where and when you have to really take stock of your experience and make a decision. Do you want that experience to make you hard, impenetrable, and unreachable? Do you want to take that experience and process it with a friend or professional and let it become the fabric of your life but not your whole life?

 

I vote for the latter. When I came out of my own darkness I made a choice not to be bitter, angry, and a fortress that kept everyone away. It was a choice and something that would have been very easy to do. But I didn’t and as a result found a very rich and fulfilling life.  It could have easily gone the other way if I let it. I’m not saying that I don’t have bitter, angry feelings from time to time – but I have made a conscious effort to let them go and return to my original state of innocence where the world is a bright shiny place to explore.

 

Sandra Beck is the host of Military Mom Talk Radio  and Motherhood Talk Radio.  She is the single mother of two boys ages 5 and 8, and the owner of Motherhood Incorporated.

 

Best Gift! Positivity in Color Bracelet from Lifetherapy by Sandra Beck of Motherhood Incorporated!

By Sandra Beck

 

How cute is this?

I have to tell you I buy a lot of things.  A lot of girly things between makeup, jewelry clothes and stuff.  Today in the mail I got a birthday gift that came from the company Lifetherapy.com.  Now you know from time to time I am known to wax poetic over a shoe or a handbag or lip liner!  Today it’s all about the Positivity in Color Bracelet.

 

First of all I took pictures of the packaging because it was almost too nice to open. I love also that the bracelet comes in this cute little box where I can store it and find it without it opening and dislodging the contents…yes it fell off my desk!  Beyond the cute little bow and the cool hang tag with the product information, the bracelet itself rocked my world.

Ohhhh its yummy!

 

A bracelet? Yes, but I am going to go out on a limb and say this is more than just a bracelet. Because it’s a wrap, and because I am the McGuyver of Motherhood I immediately found a few more uses for this “bracelet.”

 

What’s Not to Love!

Like I toddler I immediately wrapped it around my neck. Instant cool jamming necklace!  Then I wrapped it around my ankle. I was so excited because I wear a lot of black and turquoise would really pop and look good against my pale almost never tan leg when I wear my bathing suit and sarong.  Its way to cute to swim in, but pool side party I am there.  And just because I am me, I realized I could add two little hooks and give one to my girlfriend who wears this awful eyeglass holder one that is so not cool, so not Zen and so not…well its just not.  And you know who you are…and when you read this think of your five seconds of fame in a blog post – and lose the dorky chain mama!

 

Either way I was overjoyed from beginning to end with this “bracelet” slash body ornament…and I even wrapped it in my hair with a braid and around a pony tail…I love the Positivity in Color Bracelet. I need one in every color too.

 

And, no I wasn’t paid to write this!

Destiny is a matter of choice, not chance- By Danee Kiernan of Bouncing with Style: Starting over but Not From Scratch: Starting Over but Not From Scratch

 

Danee Kienan co-author Bouncing with Style

By Danee Kiernan

Life is Almost Always Good and co-author of Bouncing with Style: Starting over but Not From Scratch. #7

During difficult times in my life, well meaning friends and family tried to help me in their way by sharing words of wisdom.  Some phrases that come to mind are:

This too shall pass…. (Who cares? I’m miserable now…)…..What goes around, comes around…. (Who cares? I’m miserable now)…..There are plenty fish in the sea… (Who cares?  I’m miserable now)…It was meant to be …(Are you crazy????).

Now I want to be clear.  I love that people tried to help me.  I just didn’t love what they said.  The sound bites weren’t working for me and most of the time they just made me feel worse….So in my altered state, I did what any other depressed individual would do….I blamed them for not helping me….At that time in my life, everyone was to blame…. And I blamed myself too….I was not exempt….Guilt is the gift that keeps on giving…..

After a short time, I noticed that my list about taking care of me, became an extended dialogue about me.  A documentation of random thoughts, written ramblings and emotional expressions that I didn’t even know I had.  I took the time to read over my notes from time to time.  Each reading provided me with more insight about how I was feeling and why.  Even more interesting, was that I could re-read the same section at different times and feel differently depending on where I was in the recovery process.  As I wrote and read, I began to realize that I had the power to make my divorce a permanent scar that I could bronze, and wear on my sleeve forever or I could use my power to make my divorce an opportunity to start over.

The thought was amazing…..I had the chance to do things over.  I had the chance to form new beliefs about myself, my world and my future.  I was the one who needed to get me through this.  No one else could do it for me, and there was no one to blame if things didn’t go well.  My future was mine, all mine….I could choose my destiny in the direction of my dreams or hang out for years soloing in my personal dance of disappointment.

Danee Kiernan is a writer, parent, entrepreneur and co-author of Bouncing with Style: Starting over but Not From Scratch: Starting over but Not From Scratch.  She connects with others based on her experiences as a full time woman, full time mom (adoptive, birth & foster), stay at home mom, working woman and business owner.  She hopes that sharing her experiences openly will help others to find their bounce.  Danee is a powerful advocate for women’s rights, especially every woman’s right to choose her own destiny and build the life that she desires.

Danee Kiernan earned a BS degree in Elementary Education with an early childhood specialization fromIowaWesleyanCollege, and an MBA from the University of Wisconsin-Milwaukee. Danee believes in the importance of love, family and pursuing dreams.   She makes her home inWisconsin, where she and husband Jim, are thoroughly enjoying the experience of raising their 12 children.

You can reach Danee Kiernan at daneeKiernan@gmail.com

Life Leadership: Our Emotional Cycles by Sandra Beck for Bouncing with Style

Sandra Beck co-author Bouncing with Style

By Sandra Beck

I am sure I am going to take a lot of flak for saying this but in my experience as a woman, and having women friends, working with women clients and being raised by a passionate loving mother and sister here is what I learned. I checked it out with my psychologist friend and she agreed so I can’t be that far off the mark.

 

I think we as women cycle through a set of high emotions in about 45 minutes and through a full emotional cycle in about 3 hours. I noticed this one day when I was really upset about the Commander I have been seeing and my friend reminded me of the 45 minute high emotion cycle. I went for a walk and true to form in about 45 minutes I started seeing things differently.  In three hours from my initial freak out I saw the situation very differently. By the time I did communicate with him I was able to do so in a manner that treated us both with respect and allowed our friendship to flourish not be damaged.

 

I’m not a shrink or a doctor but I have spent so much time with women where I see this happening and find it to be true to myself. I hope the next time you are in high emotion think about the 45 minutes and the 3 hour rule. It made a difference for the better in my life. I hope it does in yours.

 

Sandra Beck is the host of Military Mom Talk Radio  and Motherhood Talk Radio.  She is the single mother of two boys ages 5 and 8, and the owner of Motherhood Incorporated.

Fire at Will By Sandra Beck of Bouncing with Style: Starting over but Not From Scratch

Sandra Beck co-author Bouncing with Style

By Sandra Beck, Bouncing with Style

When I was writing the title to this blog post I was thinking to myself could it get anymore cheese ball than this? I’m starting to sound like my mother. But I realized today that she was right and most of those hokey dokey sayings have a lot of truth to them.

Recently I have gone through separation, divorce, death, foreclosure, custody battles and a financial upheaval in my company. Most of these things were out of my control and I had to take a step back and think about how I wanted to show up in my life.  I ran away from home one weekend when my ex had the kids.

I drove 6 hours to theGrand Canyonand I sat on the edge looking at the vibrant layers of earth carved out over millions of years.  Relax I wasn’t going to jump, but I sat there thinking how tiny and insignificant I am, but my problems could fill up the great ravine.  A tour bus pulled up and dumped out a bunch of women.  Being me I sat their and eavesdropped on their conversation.  Polite no. Interesting yes.

The women who should have been rejoicing in the magnificent beauty were bitching about their ex’s. They were bitter, nasty, funny, sad and missing the whole point of theGrand Canyon. I also noticed a lot of them were quite rude to the male bus driver.  He was taking one not just for the team but the entire male species from what I could see.

I thought about myself and how I felt. Sure I was bitter, nasty, funny, sad and missing the whole point of life some days, but I had a choice on how I was going to treat people around me. At that point my life was in the “shitter” as my dad would say, but I realized that when I just treated people with kindness despite my inner turmoil and fear life was easier.  So my advice today despite all you are going through is just be kind – to yourselves and others around you.  Unless it’s your ex and then feel free to fire at will…kidding! Am I????

Internet Brand Strategist Sandra Beck, owner of Motherhood Incorporated is also the host of Motherhood Talk Radio and Military Mom Talk Radio powered by Toginet Communications.  A powerful advocate for mothers’ right to choose what is best for their family and using technology to make those choices possible, Sandra Beck paves the way for women today to determine the course of their own lives and live their best possible life.  Sandra Beck makes her home inActon,California. She is the single mother of two young boys, Max and Zachary Levin and she is the author of The Smart Woman’s Guide to Working from Home and Blogphoria – How to Reach Millions without Spending a Dime.

Sandra Beck has authored a Life Coaching Lesson Series titled  Starting Over but Not From Scratch and author of Bouncing with Style. based on her experience as a stay at home mother, full time working mother, part time working mother and self employed mother working from home.  It is her hope that these articles help women create their own life with respect to their needs of themselves and their family.  These articles are offered for informational purposes only and are not intended to take the place of a licensed professional.

Bouncing with Baby-By Danee Kiernan of Bouncing with Style: Starting Over but Not From Scratch

Danee Kienan co-author Bouncing with Style

By Danee Kiernan      Life is Almost Always Good and co-author of Bouncing With Style. #20

My good friend and writing partner, Sandra, checked in yesterday to see if I was staying up to date on our blog and manuscript and to see how my bounce is coming along with the recent addition of our long awaited newborn baby girl…..

Dear Sandra,

Thank goodness I made it into e-mail and yours was there this morning…..I mean this afternoon……You made my day…..

You asked how things are going ….I’m completely and utterly exhausted…Pretty excited though because I did devote two minutes to a shower this morning…..(To peel off 2-3 days worth of motherhood)

Jim’s with baby Emerson at the cardiologist (heart murmur) and he had to bring 2 year old Torren along as well (home sick with a fever and cough)…..I just made it downstairs to my office to work and my ears are ringing because of the sweet sound of silence…..

You would think that by 10 at night, Jim and I would crash and get some shut eye before the newborn all night party begins…..But we are so tired and buzzing from barely making it through another day, that all we can do is crawl to the couch, huddle together in the fetal position and have a glass (or 2…or 3) of wine……..Sometimes we talk about how tomorrow we will be more organized, more awake, more capable of keeping up with our reality….

I have to admit I’m feeling pretty old these days……Emme’s up every hour or two all night……Jim & I take turns……At a birth weight of 4 pounds, 10 ounces, she eats and poops constantly so we are constantly filling her up or cleaning up the leftovers….Our little girl does not like to be messy)…….In spite of the schedule, she is the sweetest baby ever and we have completely fallen in love with her……(even though we have only seen her with glazed over, comatose and closing eyes). 

Cannot manage to keep the house even remotely clean……(I would even settle for straightened….or walk able pathways)… Sigh…..  I am back to drinking my own pot of coffee each day…..and sneaking in 10 minute power naps here and there….Still trying to cook and serve real food so we really don’t completely go off the deep end health wise… but it’s a challenge and energy reserves are at a low and time is at a premium…….

I know this will pass…..Our beautiful blessing, .Emme, has been here a month already…..We received the phone call that she had arrived on a Wednesday afternoon at 4pm….We visited her, stopped on the way home that night for newborn baby essentials and brought her home from the hospital the next day……Life is funny that way….Timing can be perfect and imperfect all at the same time….Emme’s arrival just happened to coincide with the first day of school for 6 of our kids, Collin’s last football season, gymnastics x4, horse lessons x1, dance lessons x2, swimming lessons x4 and new school x 5…..Yawn….There I’m done ranting……Just let me guzzle the last of my cold, strong coffee and I will be good to go… The caffeine is going to kick in any minute now…….any minute……any minute now…….

Thanks for asking about the family….All is fine here except for the plague that has enveloped our domicile!!!!  Ugh…6 out of 12 kids are ill…A trip to the pediatrician confirmed that a virus is the culprit…..Doc assured me that antibiotics won’t help and that everyone should be fine in the next 10-14 DAYS?!?!?!?!?!?!  WHAT?!?!!?!?!!

Our instructions are to not let anyone drink from the same cup, eat from the same bowl, share utensils, share towels or kiss each other……..Haaahaahaaahaa GASP……No problem…..sigh…..I have often wondered how a child size human body can produce so MUCH in the way of body by-products when little ones are sick…..Tissue anyone?????

Well Sandra, thanks again for checking in…… Love to you and your family……. I’ll check back in with a bounce update once I peel myself off of the formula and fruit juice soaked floor…..No, I didn’t fall, it just looked so comfortable …..and I thought just a few minutes wouldn’t hurt….

Love & Hugs,

Danee

Danee Kiernan is a writer, parent, entrepreneur and co-author of Bouncing with Style: Starting over but Not From Scratch.  She connects with others based on her experiences as a full time woman, full time mom (adoptive, birth & foster), stay at home mom, working woman and business owner.  She hopes that sharing her experiences openly will help others to find their bounce.  Danee is a powerful advocate for women’s rights, especially every woman’s right to choose her own destiny and build the life that she desires.

Danee KIernan earned a BS degree in Elementary Education with an early childhood specialization from Iowa Wesleyan College, and an MBA from the University of Wisconsin-Milwaukee. Danee believes in the importance of love, family and pursuing dreams.   She makes her home in Wisconsin, where she and husband Jim, are thoroughly enjoying the experience of raising their 12 children. 

You can reach Danee Kiernan at daneekiernan@gmail.com

Love Hurts-By Danee Kiernan of Bouncing with Style: Starting Over but Not From Scratch

Danee Kienan co-author Bouncing with Style

By Danee Kiernan      Life is Almost Always Good and co-author of Bouncing With Style. #19

I’m in the shower and I can feel the water streaming over my head and soon, the tears are running down my cheeks as well.  I cover my face with my hands.  I start sobbing and I can’t stop.  This happens often and without warning. I’m sad and so tired.

It was a summer day last year when my Mom and I sat side by side in a small doctor’s office.  Mom had been experiencing some pain in her chest while sleeping and her doctor ran some tests and asked that she come in for the results.  It took all of 20 seconds to hear the news.  My Mom had lung cancer…..A large inoperable tumor in her lung. 

The young, healthy, intelligent doctor spoke softly.  He said he was sorry and asked if we had any questions (was he serious?????).  Then he gave us the name of a local oncologist. 

The next six months are a blur of daily chemo & radiation treatments, needles, side effects,  medicines, blood counts, wheelchairs, hair loss, weight loss, tears, sleepless nights, exhausting days, receptionists, radiologists, nurses, surgeons, volunteers, home health nurses, hospice and hundreds of other cancer patients who were on the same journey. 

Initially, Mom was completely in shock.  She no longer even remotely resembled our rock and matriarch.  In a split second she evolved into a lost, scared woman facing her own mortality.  Mom was in denial and angry and pretty sure that this was all a mistake.  At first, she spent much of her time trying to figure out how the cancer got into her body.  She would explain to me and others (sometimes multiple times a day) that the cancer probably started because of some new carpeting installed in her apartment or from the dampness on the walls after she showered or because of a piece of asbestos that she had wrapped around her father’s muffler once when she was 14. 

Our entire family was in shock too.  My brother and I talked daily about Mom and what was ahead.  We arranged our schedules around Mom’s needs.  Like it so often can and does…..Life changed drastically in an instant.  I was angry…..And sad….And frustrated too….But mostly, I was scared. 

As I sobbed in the shower, I told my Mom how much I missed her and how much I loved her. 

I let my tears flow.  I sobbed deep sobs.  I let myself feel the pain and sadness through my soul.  I assured myself that I should feel sad.  I lost my Mom.  I miss my Mom.  It’s OK to cry.  It’s mandatory to cry. I have to cry to get through this.  My feelings need to be heard.  They have a voice and something to say.  I owe it to my Mom, my family and to myself to listen.

I turned off the water and thought about how crazy life is. Disgustingly crazy.  It’s crazy that time marches on… even when we just can’t….It’s crazy that death is inevitable, and yet we all struggle with the finality of it……And  it’s crazy that in the end, we all have to say goodbye.

Danee Kiernan is a writer, parent, entrepreneur and co-author of Bouncing with Style: Starting over but Not From Scratch.  She connects with others based on her experiences as a full time woman, full time mom (adoptive, birth & foster), stay at home mom, working woman and business owner.  She hopes that sharing her experiences openly will help others to find their bounce.  Danee is a powerful advocate for women’s rights, especially every woman’s right to choose her own destiny and build the life that she desires.

Danee KIernan earned a BS degree in Elementary Education with an early childhood specialization from Iowa Wesleyan College, and an MBA from the University of Wisconsin-Milwaukee. Danee believes in the importance of love, family and pursuing dreams.   She makes her home in Wisconsin, where she and husband Jim, are thoroughly enjoying the experience of raising their 12 children. 

You can reach Danee Kiernan at daneekiernan@gmail.com

You can be Happy Again By Sandra Beck of Bouncing with Style: Starting over but Not From Scratch

Sandra Beck co-author Bouncing with Style

By Sandra Beck, Bouncing with Style

Four years ago if you had said to me that I would be happy and joyful and silly and carefree I would have taken you to have your head examined.  I was struggling every day to make ends meet, to be a single mom to an infant and toddler.  My mother was dying from cancer and I was going through foreclosure.  Yes, the stuff dreams are made of.

I want to a few therapists. Some were good. Some not so much. I talked to friends and got great advice and listened to some really stupid stuff.  I was like a pinball running into bumpers, getting slammed across the room and rolling around sometimes aimless racked with fear.  Not a good look.

Then one therapist said the problem you are having right now is that you don’t believe in the possibility that things will get better.  I looked at her.  She was right.  She told me to fake it until I make it and I rolled my eyes.  So I tried it.  Every day for thirty days I read these index cards in which I wrote out in marker about the wonderful things in my life.  How I am grateful for my health. I am grateful I can earn a living.  I am grateful for my kids.  I am grateful for the doctors and nurses working hard to extend my mom’s life.

The situation didn’t changed, but the way I thought about it did. Instead of feeling fear, gloom, doom and sadness, I felt stronger, more hopeful and began to believe in the possibility that things would get better.  Changing my thinking didn’t change the outcome. I still lost my house. I still lost my mom.  But I didn’t suffer as much along the way as I began to manage my mind.  Best part of it, it’s free.  No drugs. No appointments.  Just 30 days, a few index cards and a pen.

Internet Brand Strategist Sandra Beck, owner of Motherhood Incorporated is also the host of Motherhood Talk Radio and Military Mom Talk Radio powered by Toginet Communications.  A powerful advocate for mothers’ right to choose what is best for their family and using technology to make those choices possible, Sandra Beck paves the way for women today to determine the course of their own lives and live their best possible life.  Sandra Beck makes her home inActon,California. She is the single mother of two young boys, Max and Zachary Levin and she is the author of The Smart Woman’s Guide to Working from Home and Blogphoria – How to Reach Millions without Spending a Dime.

Sandra Beck has authored a Life Coaching Lesson Series titled  Starting Over but Not From Scratch and author of Bouncing with Style. based on her experience as a stay at home mother, full time working mother, part time working mother and self employed mother working from home.  It is her hope that these articles help women create their own life with respect to their needs of themselves and their family.  These articles are offered for informational purposes only and are not intended to take the place of a licensed professional.

Reflections-By Danee Kiernan of Bouncing with Style: Starting Over but Not From Scratch

Danee Kienan co-author Bouncing with Style

By Danee Kiernan      Life is Almost Always Good and co-author of Bouncing With Style. #18

Not so good choices I made during my times of pain and sadness…..

 

• Overindulged-Take your pick…..Food, drink, shopping etc…
• Deprived myself of sleep, exercise, nutrition etc
• Thought that everyone else wanted to hear about what I was going through…Ugh.
• Ignored the feelings that scared me or were too painful to accept
• Acted like I was OK- But didn’t fool anybody
• Convinced myself I didn’t care
• Wallowed in self pity and self defeat
• Perfected negative self talk at times
• Blamed myself for too long
• Blamed everyone else for too long
• Pushed myself to recover when I hadn’t gone through the steps I needed to
• Said crazy things out loud…(Instead of just thinking them in my head)
• Shared too much of my pain with my kids even though I tried not to
• Had unrealistic expectations
• Focused on negatives instead of positives
• Lost control of the control freak…Yikes…..
• Thought others would/could save me

 

Danee Kiernan is a writer, parent, entrepreneur and co-author of Bouncing with Style: Starting over but Not From Scratch.  She connects with others based on her experiences as a full time woman, full time mom (adoptive, birth & foster), stay at home mom, working woman and business owner.  She hopes that sharing her experiences openly will help others to find their bounce.  Danee is a powerful advocate for women’s rights, especially every woman’s right to choose her own destiny and build the life that she desires.

Danee KIernan earned a BS degree in Elementary Education with an early childhood specialization from Iowa Wesleyan College, and an MBA from the University of Wisconsin-Milwaukee. Danee believes in the importance of love, family and pursuing dreams.   She makes her home in Wisconsin, where she and husband Jim, are thoroughly enjoying the experience of raising their 12 children. 

You can reach Danee Kiernan at daneekiernan@gmail.com