Yeah Right, Be Still By Sandra Beck of Bouncing with Style: Starting over but Not From Scratch

Sandra Beck co-author Bouncing with Style

By Sandra Beck, Bouncing with Style

 

Yeah Right.  Be Still.

 

When my friend told me this, I was like Man you are off your rocker…you want me a single mother of two boys, mid custody battle, staving off foreclosure and gaining weight to be still.

 

Yep, he said.  Be Still.

 

So I sat down on the floor like a yogi. More to demonstrate my annoyance with the process than really seeking inner peace.  No what I demanded of my friend.  He said, “Be quite and offer all your worries up to your higher power and finish with what you are thankful for.”

 

I snorted.  I closed my eyes and complained to my God.  I started with “Great job on the ex-husband, God. That was a real winner…”  It went downhill from there until I had pretty much enumerated all that was on my mind from state tax hikes to split ends. I took a deep breath wanting to kick my friend for looking so serene and decided I would think about what I was grateful for.

 

It was weird but when I did I felt myself starting to relax I felt good.  It felt good.  To unload everything in my mind to my higher power and really think about what I was grateful for.  It worked. I did feel better.  I still wanted to kick my serene friend but that was just because he was so smug.

 

Next time you have too much to carry, sit and be still. Offload and think about what you are grateful for.  Mock me all you want, but it works.

 

Internet Brand Strategist Sandra Beck, owner of Motherhood Incorporated is also the host of Motherhood Talk Radio and Military Mom Talk Radio powered by Toginet Communications.  A powerful advocate for mothers’ right to choose what is best for their family and using technology to make those choices possible, Sandra Beck paves the way for women today to determine the course of their own lives and live their best possible life.  Sandra Beck makes her home inActon,California. She is the single mother of two young boys, Max and Zachary Levin and she is the author of The Smart Woman’s Guide to Working from Home and Blogphoria – How to Reach Millions without Spending a Dime.

 

Sandra Beck has authored a Life Coaching Lesson Series titled  Starting Over but Not From Scratch and author of Bouncing with Style. based on her experience as a stay at home mother, full time working mother, part time working mother and self employed mother working from home.  It is her hope that these articles help women create their own life with respect to their needs of themselves and their family.  These articles are offered for informational purposes only and are not intended to take the place of a licensed professional.

 

Reflections-By Danee Kiernan of Bouncing with Style: Starting Over but Not From Scratch

Danee Kienan co-author Bouncing with Style

By Danee Kiernan      Life is Almost Always Good and co-author of Bouncing With Style. #17

Good choices I made during my times of pain and sadness…..

 

• Woke up and pulled myself out of bed each day
• Kept moving
• Listened to myself….Really listened.
• Took care of my kids….Learned to take care of myself
• Learned from the experiences of others as well as my own
• Went to a therapist
• Leaned on friends and family for support
• Did not lean on my children for support
• Dredged up deep feelings….Made myself feel them
• Allowed myself time to be angry, to be sad and to mourn
• Made time for physical activity….Eventually
• Got rid of negative, emotionally draining people in my life that didn’t make me feel good
• Gave myself permission to be OK being me
• Tapped into the creative my creative side
• Brought back activities/hobbies that I used to do that made me feel good (art, writing, music, gardening etc)
• Got real about expectations
• Learned about and practiced positive self talk
• Assured myself that one day I would feel better
• Became my best friend

 

 

Danee Kiernan is a writer, parent, entrepreneur and co-author of Bouncing with Style: Starting over but Not From Scratch.  She connects with others based on her experiences as a full time woman, full time mom (adoptive, birth & foster), stay at home mom, working woman and business owner.  She hopes that sharing her experiences openly will help others to find their bounce.  Danee is a powerful advocate for women’s rights, especially every woman’s right to choose her own destiny and build the life that she desires.

Danee KIernan earned a BS degree in Elementary Education with an early childhood specialization from Iowa Wesleyan College, and an MBA from the University of Wisconsin-Milwaukee. Danee believes in the importance of love, family and pursuing dreams.   She makes her home in Wisconsin, where she and husband Jim, are thoroughly enjoying the experience of raising their 12 children.  

You can reach Danee Kiernan at daneekiernan@gmail.com

Choices-By Danee Kiernan of Bouncing with Style: Starting Over but Not From Scratch

Danee Kienan co-author Bouncing with Style

By Danee Kiernan

Life is Almost Always Good and co-author of Bouncing With Style. #16

I was at a funeral of a 15 year old who was killed in a car accident.  The boy was a close friend of my son.  The pain and sadness of his parents, family and friends was deafening.  It was a very profound experience for me.  I imagined myself in his mother’s shoes.  How does this woman feel?  How does she get out of bed in the morning?  How does she sleep at night?  I imagined losing my child. How would I feel?  Would I ever survive?   A few years later I had the devastating experience of losing a child.  Although circumstances were very different, my pain was just as real.

At the cemetery, hundreds of people stood in silence as this child’s casket was lowered into the ground.  His mother and father stood side by side with their surviving children and wept.  It was softly at first but then their mournful voices began to echo from the depths of their soul.  It was the saddest sound I have ever heard in my life.  Broken parents saying goodbye to their beloved son, holding each other, shaking and sobbing deeply.  I will never forget the moment as long as I live.

During the service, the pastor had told the story of a mother who had lost her child.  The woman was inconsolable.  God asked the woman what she would have chosen for herself if given the choice-

If she knew up front that she would have the gift of this beautiful child in her life.  If she knew up front how the love she would have for this child would be like no other.  If she knew up front that she could have this child but only for a certain amount of time. If she knew up front that when this child left this world, it would be the deepest and most painful experience of her life. 

God asked her, if given the choice, what she would have chosen….. 

Would she still choose to have this child, love this child and share her life with this child even if she knew it would be for a short time?  Would she still choose to parent this child knowing that the pain of separation, when the time came, would be excruciating? 

I often wonder if we had the chance to decide up front to live our lives…..Even if we knew what was in store for us, the happiness and the pain, would we still choose to live it?

 

Danee Kiernan is a writer, parent, entrepreneur and co-author of Bouncing with Style: Starting over but Not From Scratch.  She connects with others based on her experiences as a full time woman, full time mom (adoptive, birth & foster), stay at home mom, working woman and business owner.  She hopes that sharing her experiences openly will help others to find their bounce.  Danee is a powerful advocate for women’s rights, especially every woman’s right to choose her own destiny and build the life that she desires.

Danee KIernan earned a BS degree in Elementary Education with an early childhood specialization from Iowa Wesleyan College, and an MBA from the University of Wisconsin-Milwaukee. Danee believes in the importance of love, family and pursuing dreams.   She makes her home in Wisconsin, where she and husband Jim, are thoroughly enjoying the experience of raising their 12 children. 

You can reach Danee Kiernan at daneekiernan@gmail.com

Vision and How Life Could Be By Sandra Beck of Bouncing with Style: Starting over but Not From Scratch

Sandra Beck co-author Bouncing with Style

By Sandra Beck, Bouncing with Style

 

I have a bookmark that says Vision is seeing life as it could be.  It’s a great statement but putting that into practice is easier said than done. I imagine my life being a certain way in the future, but then daily life comes crashing in like a lion only to tear apart my dream and leaving me to muddle through my day.

 

Vision is part of leadership. Vision in your life is part of not only getting what you want but also part of wanting what you get when you get it. That’s the tricky part.   A woman once taught me how to make a vision board to keep me on track.  It was pretty simple and fun to do.

 

I took a bunch of old magazines and cut out things I wanted, how I wanted to be and what I wanted for my life in pictures.  I stuck them to a poster board and put it in my bathroom. It got wet and covered in toothpaste.  My kids pulled off one of the photos of the woman walking her dog carefree with nice hair and a handsome man by her side.  Did I turn my life into my vision board – yeah I did.  Not completely but it helped me focus and keep on track.  I would make one if you are feeling overwhelmed, overworked and stressed out. If nothing else, it will pass a few hours and give you hope for the future.

 

Vision is seeing life how it could be.

 

Internet Brand Strategist Sandra Beck, owner of Motherhood Incorporated is also the host of Motherhood Talk Radio and Military Mom Talk Radio powered by Toginet Communications.  A powerful advocate for mothers’ right to choose what is best for their family and using technology to make those choices possible, Sandra Beck paves the way for women today to determine the course of their own lives and live their best possible life.  Sandra Beck makes her home inActon,California. She is the single mother of two young boys, Max and Zachary Levin and she is the author of The Smart Woman’s Guide to Working from Home and Blogphoria – How to Reach Millions without Spending a Dime.

 

Sandra Beck has authored a Life Coaching Lesson Series titled  Starting Over but Not From Scratch and author of Bouncing with Style. based on her experience as a stay at home mother, full time working mother, part time working mother and self employed mother working from home.  It is her hope that these articles help women create their own life with respect to their needs of themselves and their family.  These articles are offered for informational purposes only and are not intended to take the place of a licensed professional.

 

The Art of Listening-By Danee Kiernan of Bouncing with Style: Starting Over but Not From Scratch

Danee Kienan co-author Bouncing with Style

By Danee Kiernan

Life is Almost Always Good and co-author of Bouncing With Style. #15

 

Reach inside yourself and dip deeply into your thoughts and emotions.  You have to sink in like into a sweet, soft mattress….Let yourself feel and acknowledge the fact that you have feelings… right or wrong….good or bad…..scary or overwhelming….They exist.

I’ve had some crazy feelings during my painful times.  Some that I am ashamed to mention.  Some that scared me then…(and still do)…And I’m sure, some that would scare you if I shared them….What I’ve decided is that I cannot control my feelings….They are what they are. 

What I can and should control is what I do with those feelings.  How I react or don’t react to them.  How I manage them.  How I think about what they tell me. How I use them to learn more about myself. How I need to accept their existence so that I can move on and recover.

In the beginning phase of recovery, I feel it’s important to just feel.  Try not to worry about if it’s OK to feel a certain way…..Try not to analyze what you are feeling…Try not to change what you are feeling….those things will come.  Just listen to yourself.  Feel but don’t act or react immediately.

Part of recovery is getting in touch with yourself.  You have been injured.  With an emotional injury you may not see the bruise or blood physically, but your pain exists and it is real.  Just like you would clean a wound, bandage it and give it time to heal, your emotions deserve and require the same kind of attention.

 

Danee Kiernan is a writer, parent, entrepreneur and co-author of Bouncing with Style: Starting over but Not From Scratch.  She connects with others based on her experiences as a full time woman, full time mom (adoptive, birth & foster), stay at home mom, working woman and business owner.  She hopes that sharing her experiences openly will help others to find their bounce.  Danee is a powerful advocate for women’s rights, especially every woman’s right to choose her own destiny and build the life that she desires.

Danee KIernan earned a BS degree in Elementary Education with an early childhood specialization from Iowa Wesleyan College, and an MBA from the University of Wisconsin-Milwaukee. Danee believes in the importance of love, family and pursuing dreams.   She makes her home in Wisconsin, where she and husband Jim, are thoroughly enjoying the experience of raising their 12 children. 

You can reach Danee Kiernan at daneekiernan@gmail.com

 

Is Talent Enough By Sandra Beck of Bouncing with Style: Starting over but Not From Scratch

Sandra Beck co-author Bouncing with Style

By Sandra Beck, Bouncing with Style

 

Sometimes on my radio show Military Mom Talk Radio I have the most talented guests.  They are wonderful movers and shakers with drive, determination and guts.  They make the world a better place.  But talent isn’t enough.  They are talented for sure.

 

Funny thing is, when I meet some of these moves and shakers they are often these tiny little women that could blow away in the wind.  They are not loud. They are not ferocious. They are sweet and kind and feminine.  Not at all the leaders of tomorrow that I have been conditioned to accept.

 

Carolyn Blashek comes to mind.  Head of Operation Gratitude and her 100,000 care packages to the soldiers.  She could fit in one of those boxes!!!  But her attitude is bigger than all those boxes combined.  She believes she can change the world one care package at a time and she did.  From a few boxes in her basement to this outstanding 100,000 care package benchmark.  I think the secret for success as I see it is an outstanding attitude plus outstanding talent creates outstanding results.

 

But for the rest of us, like you and me.  I will take good talent and a good attitude and see what we can do…

 

Internet Brand Strategist Sandra Beck, owner of Motherhood Incorporated is also the host of Motherhood Talk Radio and Military Mom Talk Radio powered by Toginet Communications.  A powerful advocate for mothers’ right to choose what is best for their family and using technology to make those choices possible, Sandra Beck paves the way for women today to determine the course of their own lives and live their best possible life.  Sandra Beck makes her home inActon,California. She is the single mother of two young boys, Max and Zachary Levin and she is the author of The Smart Woman’s Guide to Working from Home and Blogphoria – How to Reach Millions without Spending a Dime.

 

Sandra Beck has authored a Life Coaching Lesson Series titled  Starting Over but Not From Scratch and author of Bouncing with Style. based on her experience as a stay at home mother, full time working mother, part time working mother and self employed mother working from home.  It is her hope that these articles help women create their own life with respect to their needs of themselves and their family.  These articles are offered for informational purposes only and are not intended to take the place of a licensed professional.

Control Freak- By Danee Kiernan of Bouncing with Style: Starting Over but Not From Scratch

Danee Kienan co-author Bouncing with Style

By Danee Kiernan

Life is Almost Always Good and co-author of Bouncing With Style. #14

Let’s talk about control.  I like control.  I’m assuming you like control as well. Although most of us don’t like to admit it….It makes us feel better to control things.  It gives us a sense of order, security and power.  The problem is that the control freak within us tends to gain strength & momentum when we are feeling that our lives feel the most out of control and we feel the worst about ourselves.

My life and environment have been out of control on many occasions.  And of course, each time I tried harder to control it all.  The part that can get us into trouble is trying to control our feelings, control others and control the things that are and should be out of our control.  You know what I’m talking about.

My personal observation is that it is much easier (and far less emotionally risky) to focus on controlling everyone else than it is to feel and acknowledge our sadness and anger.  To experience our emotions and really give them the attention they deserve is hard work and it is exhausting.  So we tend to do something a bit less taxing…..Control others and whatever else we can focus on.  I get it. 

Maybe there is some sense of satisfaction making others bend to our will, but it’s a short term fix……and sure to backfire.  We can’t and shouldn’t control our kids, relatives, friends, enemies, neighbors, co workers, the world…..etc etc.  This is a one way ticket to frustration land….There is no way out and no way to “win”.  We find ourselves consumed with anger wandering around wondering why people can’t just do what we think they should do, when we want them to do it, the way that we think is best. 

Oh please…..Get over it.

 

Danee Kiernan is a writer, parent, entrepreneur and co-author of Bouncing with Style: Starting over but Not From Scratch.  She connects with others based on her experiences as a full time woman, full time mom (adoptive, birth & foster), stay at home mom, working woman and business owner.  She hopes that sharing her experiences openly will help others to find their bounce.  Danee is a powerful advocate for women’s rights, especially every woman’s right to choose her own destiny and build the life that she desires.

Danee KIernan earned a BS degree in Elementary Education with an early childhood specialization from Iowa Wesleyan College, and an MBA from the University of Wisconsin-Milwaukee. Danee believes in the importance of love, family and pursuing dreams.   She makes her home in Wisconsin, where she and husband Jim, are thoroughly enjoying the experience of raising their 12 children. 

You can reach Danee Kiernan at daneekiernan@gmail.com

Bad Advice By Sandra Beck of Bouncing with Style: Starting over but Not From Scratch

 

Sandra Beck co-author Bouncing with Style

By Sandra Beck, Bouncing with Style

 

We’ve all gotten bad advice. One time I was told to die my hair red or brown, anything but the natural blond I was born with. I listened. I looked like a witch.  When it faded, I looked like an old witch. Not good.  Not good at all, but the think I learned most about that situation was that my bad hair do was my choice. I chose to listen to the man who ultimately lied and cheated on me.  Not smart at all.

 

So the lesson I learned was to think about where I was getting counsel and most importantly why. When I stepped away from myself, away from who I was and what I wanted and sought to please another person instead of myself I began to listen to the wrong voices.  Of course, I had to keep going and not only listen but follow in footsteps that were not mine.

 

I survived my wrong choices.  I survived my mistakes and I learned to listen to the most important person in the equation – me.  It doesn’t mean that I don’t need counsel and I don’t ask people for their opinion, but ultimately the responsibility falls on my shoulders.  From my head to my toes, the choices I make now are all about me.

 

Internet Brand Strategist Sandra Beck, owner of Motherhood Incorporated is also the host of Motherhood Talk Radio and Military Mom Talk Radio powered by Toginet Communications.  A powerful advocate for mothers’ right to choose what is best for their family and using technology to make those choices possible, Sandra Beck paves the way for women today to determine the course of their own lives and live their best possible life.  Sandra Beck makes her home inActon,California. She is the single mother of two young boys, Max and Zachary Levin and she is the author of The Smart Woman’s Guide to Working from Home and Blogphoria – How to Reach Millions without Spending a Dime.

 

Sandra Beck has authored a Life Coaching Lesson Series titled  Starting Over but Not From Scratch and author of Bouncing with Style. based on her experience as a stay at home mother, full time working mother, part time working mother and self employed mother working from home.  It is her hope that these articles help women create their own life with respect to their needs of themselves and their family.  These articles are offered for informational purposes only and are not intended to take the place of a licensed professional.

Points to Ponder- By Danee Kiernan of Bouncing with Style: Starting Over but Not From Scratch

 

Danee Kienan co-author Bouncing with Style

By Danee Kiernan

Life is Almost Always Good and co-author of Bouncing With Style. #13

 

Pain is real. Pain is personal. Pain is an equal opportunity visitor.  It doesn’t discriminate.

Be sad.  Be angry. Be scared.

Do it fully. Live it. Feel it.  Give yourself the time to experience as many emotions as you can. 

Blame for a while.  Blame yourself. Blame someone else. Blame everyone else….Just for awhile. 

Accept the reality that no one can or will take care of you….. except for you. 

Really.

Give yourself permission to mourn.  Give yourself permission to recover.

Recovery is real.  Recovery is personal. It takes time.

Recovery includes being good to yourself.  Really good to yourself. 

Own yourself.  Own your feelings, Own your reality. Own your actions.  Own your life.  Own your recovery.

Listen to yourself.  Really listen… to your thoughts, your feelings, your fears, your body, your instincts, your heart, your words.

Be patient. Give yourself time. The time you need.

The time you need to recover.  The time you need to heal.

 

Danee Kiernan is a writer, parent, entrepreneur and co-author of Bouncing with Style: Starting over but Not From Scratch.  She connects with others based on her experiences as a full time woman, full time mom (adoptive, birth & foster), stay at home mom, working woman and business owner.  She hopes that sharing her experiences openly will help others to find their bounce.  Danee is a powerful advocate for women’s rights, especially every woman’s right to choose her own destiny and build the life that she desires.

Danee KIernan earned a BS degree in Elementary Education with an early childhood specialization from Iowa Wesleyan College, and an MBA from the University of Wisconsin-Milwaukee. Danee believes in the importance of love, family and pursuing dreams.   She makes her home in Wisconsin, where she and husband Jim, are thoroughly enjoying the experience of raising their 12 children. 

You can reach Danee Kiernan at daneekiernan@gmail.com

 

Becoming Great Men By Sandra Beck of Bouncing with Style: Starting over but Not From Scratch

Sandra Beck co-author Bouncing with Style

By Sandra Beck, Bouncing with Style

 

When I think of leading my boys through their life and helping them become great men I kind of cringe and hide for a moment, sometimes eating chips to ease the stress. Then I go to the gym and curse every chip still wondering how I as a single mother am supposed to raise two great men.  Then I think about all the leadership training I have received and how much I have done for other people.  You’d think I’d take my own advice…

 

So today I thought a lot about what makes a great leader – whether we are leading ourselves, our families, our companies or our troops.  I believe it all comes down to heart.

 

In my mind true leaders, regardless of rank, put the team goals at the forefront of the mission and put their own agenda aside.  True leaders work hard to possess the confidence that can be elusive, but is so necessary for the job.  Mostly I think they serve out of love for what they are doing.

 

I love being a mom. I love being a friend. I love being in service to my country. The only thing common in those statements are I love.  If you love what you do it becomes effortless.  If you love what you do, you don’t need to be afraid.  I had to remind myself that the heart of the matter is the heart. Lead with your heart but listen to your head and you will achieve greatness in whatever you do – and so will those around you.

 

Internet Brand Strategist Sandra Beck, owner of Motherhood Incorporated is also the host of Motherhood Talk Radio and Military Mom Talk Radio powered by Toginet Communications.  A powerful advocate for mothers’ right to choose what is best for their family and using technology to make those choices possible, Sandra Beck paves the way for women today to determine the course of their own lives and live their best possible life.  Sandra Beck makes her home inActon,California. She is the single mother of two young boys, Max and Zachary Levin and she is the author of The Smart Woman’s Guide to Working from Home and Blogphoria – How to Reach Millions without Spending a Dime.

 

Sandra Beck has authored a Life Coaching Lesson Series titled  Starting Over but Not From Scratch and author of Bouncing with Style. based on her experience as a stay at home mother, full time working mother, part time working mother and self employed mother working from home.  It is her hope that these articles help women create their own life with respect to their needs of themselves and their family.  These articles are offered for informational purposes only and are not intended to take the place of a licensed professional.